People I Like

So there are a lot of people I like. And a hell of a lot more that I don't like. Unfortunately, many of the people I super duper enjoy are really far away. Like Mickey Mouse. I am a fan of the mouse, and you know what? He lives in FLORIDA. Don't mice like the snow? I mean really! I would make him yummy grilled cheese and sing the "Hot Dog" song for him! And then there's my parents. They live in NEW JERSEY. That is really far away too. Personally, I would like to hold them captive in my guest room forever, but my father, being a super genius, would surely figure his way out. That isn't going to work. Let's talk different continents too- I have a friend in Abu Dhabi. You read that right! Who the hell lives in Abu Dhabi? Yeah, my friend. I guess my cooking was crappy, and she had to escape far, far away! Now I don't have ANYONE to go to Christmas Tree Shoppe with (don't forget the extra -pe, it's so much classier that way) who understands my need to fill my cart and then not buy any of it!!! (yup, I know, I am a terrible person. I always say thank you to the toll taker guy though) I could always count on her to go do something crazy on a Saturday too, like drive to Kittery, or paint a room hot pink. Now I am just jealous as I see her stunning pictures of glamourous ports of call throughout Europe. I personally think she should quit and be a photojournalist, because she's good. Wah. Get out of the desert already! Friends from camp in England (sure, the beer is better, but it's FREAKING SERVED WARM) Even close by people are far away! Some of my favorite mamas live in towns that may as well be in Zanzibar, given the GPS directions to get there- take routes 122, 190, 290, 495, 117, 11, and damn, I feel like I am stuck in a Team Umizoomi episode, trying to decode the numerical codes to rescue the Purple Monkey and return him to the damn jungle! I have a friend in Brooklyn too, and one in far far far north Jersey which may as well be Canada! Why can't all of these people be smart like my mama friend across the street, and just move to my neighborhood already. There's room. We're friendly!

Well, only if I like you. And don't expect to have power 365 days a year either, not in this neck of the woods!