That moment...

You know, that moment when ALL of your children have blissfully slipped into dreamland? You know it. The BEST MOMENT OF THE DAY. That's not to say you don't enjoy your children immensely, but seriously, this moment ROCKS. For about five minutes, or the length of time it takes for a night terror to set it, is all YOURS. You can talk on the phone. Paint your nails. Eat dinner. Go pee in peace. Take a shower. Return work emails. Do the actual work that has been waiting all day! I listen to Pandora a lot and there is a wine company that has an ad that says "What do YOU do in your Chateau St. Michelle moments?'. Um,  to be brutally honest, my priority isn't wine.

It's shaving my legs so I don't scare the neighbors.

Hello out there?

I work with kids. Primarily, teenagers. I don't work with a "normal" population- I don't LIKE working in a typical setting, with typical kids. I adore my job, but I have noticed a new trend, which kind of irks me. Okay, it really freaking pisses me off. It would be one thing if I was just seeing this in my students, but I am seeing it across the board in the 15-20 year old set of women. When I was a senior in high school my favorite book was Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation. Senior year in college, I used Girl Power liberally in my research and it figured prominently in my thesis.I still use excerpts from them both in class. They were published almost twenty and fifteen years ago. That generation is MY generation, and we're a feisty bunch. My contemporary sisters get it done- we aren't letting other people, men or women, dictate the choices we make for ourselves and our families. We may get bogged down, but eventually, we find our way. However, where is the next generation of feminists? These women are smart, talented, athletic- they are reaping the benefits from the women that came before them- but they don't know who they are. Ask a typical 18 year old girl if she knows who Margaret Sanger, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Nellie McClung, Gloria Steinem, Belle Hooks, Naomi Wolf are? Blank stares. It's sad, really. True, it's a generation quick to stand up to human rights- to them, gay people are just regular parts of the world. Gay marriage is a given- and I am glad. However, they seem to have lost sight of the struggles that still face them as women. I see this as a primary failure of the education system as a whole- they have to wait to take American Women's History or Women's Studies courses in college before they are introduced to the concept that they too are empowered. Instead, they have self-doubt, a lack of confidence, and a bare-bones understanding of how to be a strong woman.

"Never apologize, never retract, never explain- get things done and let them howl!"- Nellie McClung, 1915

Maybe...

Does anyone remember the Samples? They were an idie rock band that I think was from Vermont...when I spent a year in boarding school, at Choate Rosemary Hall, they came to campus for a concert. I remember that night, because A) It was a great concert and B) I remember carrying a friend up to the venue piggy back because they hurt their ankle...not totally sure who it was. There is a lyric from a Samples song that resonates with me at this stage of life "Maybe nothing lasts forever, not the mountains or the seas, but the times we had together they will always be with me". I just spent a glorious week in the place that speaks to my heart, Cape May. It's a place that makes me happy and sad all at once- I have memories walking down every street of my grandparents, and the things we used to do. I took the boys on a walk every morning and found myself reciting the same things my grandfather said to me, to them. There is a direct way to the "mall", and yet, I followed the path I took so many times with Pappy- tripping on the same slate sidewalks, telling the same stories. It reminded me that I don't know where my life will go- I may be here in the home I love, working in a school I adore, for the next twenty years. I also don't know who will come into my life- and in the long run, it's those moments and memories together that shape me, and shape the next generation. I can't close myself off to any possibility.

This is comforting, and yet daunting. The true beauty is that I know the moments I spend with my parents, and my boys, will always be with US.

Dear Vacation...

This summer has been ridiculous. I've kicked hubs out. Going through divorce proceeding. Baby J had surgery. I got to spend way too much time at Children's hospital. My boss quit. My house produced enough trash and refuse to fill a dumpster. I built a playroom. I started renovating my soul. My hair is now on it's second stage of serious blonde. Bottom line, it's been quite a summer. Our first vacation had to be cancelled to deal with the after effects of hub removal. J hasn't been able to swim, or play in the water. Work has been all consuming. Well, vacation starts tomorrow at an ungodly hour. We're schlepping to the airport to get on a SPIWIT jet according to Mr. M to go to Lali and Grampy's Garden House. For those not familiar with M's way of labeling, it's the beach house, in Cape May, a teeny tiny city on the southernmost tip of New Jersey. It's a national historic landmark city, and is so far from the Jersey Shore of MTV it's ludicrous. Highest concentration of Michelin stars and tremendous Zagat ratings though- and my favorite place on earth. I love it even more than Disney World. My soul can breathe there. It's whole. There is sun, and boats, and water, and really great hot dogs...and most importantly, Lali and Grampy. Thank goodness because I am putting A LOT of pressure on this vacation. It needs to step up it's game. The boys and I are ready for digging in sand, eating tuna melts pool side, and drippy ice cream cones. We're going on a real live pirate (dolphin & whale watch) ship!!!

But first, I need to wake up at 4:30 am. That's the only rough spot- once that's dealt with, bring on PERFECTION. Or at least, 24 minutes of quiet time on the beach.

That's it! It's time!

TO START HALLOWEEN! Halloween is officially less than three months away, which means it is a socially acceptable time to start creating, RIGHT? I mean, costumes have been in the works for months, but now I can start to get really ready. Glittered pumpkins, witch hats, maybe a few bats? I adore Halloween. Obviously, since I spent countless months of my life working as a costumer, it just fits. I just made a freaking adorable purple. black, and orange glittered "BOO" door hanger. It's my pride and joy, and I can't wait to hang it up. That has to wait until September though, for the record. I can prepare, but I can't decorate quite yet. This year I am having a Monster Mash brunch for J's little pals, and I am SO EXCITED. Can't you tell? I have recipes at the ready, and have been stalking the Market Basket (don't tell Weggie's, but they have better prices on a few things!) circulars and stocking up on the necessities- like purple, black and orange sprinkles. You can't make cookies without them. This year I am also going to have a photo booth with costumey accessories so the munchkins can take silly pictures. Yes, that is what two year olds are into, RIGHT? I think it will be adorable- I am using a wardrobe box with cutouts so the mamas can shoot through with their cameras, and it will have a little sparkly star curtain. Afterwards, I am sure the boys will turn it into a rocket ship or something with less panache. I haven't figured out goodie bags yet- I know it's not a birthday party but I think a little something would be cute...perhaps personalized trick or treat bags? Brunch is in mid-October, so then I will have some time to recharge and gear up for the big day- we have our neighborhood set, and the menu is planned (um, pizza- it's not too hard to figure that out); the orange solo cups are ready for action.

Gah, I read this and realize I might be the biggest wacko out there. It doesn't really matter though, because it's going to be awesome, and everyone who reads this and says "wow, this bird is NUTS" is totally going to go gaga over the photo booth pictures!!!

I just don't know what to with myself...

I just don't know what to do with my time... weird, hunh? These days I feel like I have nothing but time. Mr. M & J have reacted very favorably to the major life change and are playing together better, sharing, helping with chores- my house is organized, happy, and smells good- my fridge is stocked with happy, healthy food- NOW WHAT? The boys finally have a routine that works for us (yeah, falling asleep on the couch works for me for the moment!!!) and I have TIME. I have reupholstered, made new curtains, cleaned, organized, painted, scrubbed, crocheted, needlepointed, baked, and developed a bomb ass recipe for low calorie roasted garlic dip/spread/sauce. Again, NOW WHAT? Granted, in the evening, I'm tied down as I don't think Mr. M is certified as a baby sitter yet. Maybe in a few months, but for now, I'm the adult on call. Even so, I now have four hours a week to do SOMETHING. Granted, it's not usually two full hours as the boys typically arrive home on the early side, or things get cancelled- but it's so much more free time than I have had in the past four years combined, I am at a loss. What now? Seriously, what do I DO? This is not a major problem, of course, and one I am blessed to have. I need to find a hobby that I haven't already mastered, or a place to volunteer. Pinterest is getting tired of me pinning projects and moving them into the completed file. It's frightening how I used to just putz around, watch TV, nap- now every moment I want to maximize.

Except for the moments scrubbing toilets. Those I want to speed up.

Dreams and Aspirations

So my teeny tiny kiddo wants to be a firefighter. Someone (who shall remain nameless) told him he was too small to do it. Grrr. Here comes Mama Baer. Yes, my almost four year old is so skinny I can use his ribs as a xylaphone. He's short too, but so am I. He was really sad and said "but mama, I want to be a fireman so I can help people and be a real superhero! I need to be bigger!". It nearly broke my heart- but then I remembered one of my former students- the nicest kid. Smart, friendly, dedicated- awesome family behind him too. He was certainly not the biggest kid in seventh and eighth grade (yes, I cycled with my kids- had them for 7th and 8th) but was one of the best. I will never forget him, or his family. They were everything a teacher could hope for from a family. Kind, generous, humble, appreciative. I still have the cards that they wrote me when he moved from 7th to 8th, and then "graduated" to high school. Every so often I read them, and it reminds me of why I do what I do. Fast forward ten years. This young man is not only educated, and a graduate, but a real, live, FIREMAN. He posts pictures occasionally of him at work, and I always show Mr. M. He's so impressed. He loves the pictures from the scene, and the firetrucks, and the gear. Whenever he's in a rotten mood I can say, let's go look at x's pictures and he's back-happy and smiling.

It doesn't matter your size, or the expectations thrust upon you- if you have the dream, the dedication- you can do it. My former student is a real, live, superhero according to my son. And I totally agree.

Superheroes & Raging Mama Baer

So my son who is almost four LOVES superheroes. To the point that everyone in the family has a cape, complete with their initials, appliqued on them. Too bad that Edna from the Incredibles thinks that capes are dangerous. Don't care. Love capes. My boy wears his cape regularly, and fairly often to school. At the moment, he is very into Batman and is convinced that he will be Batman when he grows up. WHICH HE WILL. Another little girl said to him today (in front of me) "you can't be Batman when you grow up because he isn't real". Before my Mr. M could lose it I was all "Oh no you are WRONG. Miles CAN be Batman when he grows up if HE WANTS TO BE!" No, I am not delusional. I know that superheroes do not walk among us. However, what do superheroes represent? Someone willing to fight for what is right. Help others. Fight for the underdog. If those are the qualities a superhero needs, then hell yes, my kid will be one.

Step off, three year old girl. Don't go crushing my boy's dreams. Granted, as an adult, I probably could have reacted a bit more maturely.

Creamy Garlic Sauce & Transitions

I know, it's a catchy title, isn't it?? Well, I made some amazing garlic sauce tonight- it's creamy and rich WITHOUT cream. Yes, I am going to share the recipe. Roast about 40 garlic cloves, in olive oil. I roast pre-preeled garlic because I am lazy very busy. Add the garlic and oil to the food processor. Pulse. Add about a third a cup of shaky cheese. Y'know, pasta topper. Puree like hell. Add some fresh or dried rosemary. Puree like hell again. Then eat. It's freaking amazing. LIKE BLOW YOUR MIND AMAZING.

Oh yeah, and I am getting divorced. Any questions?