I am from Boston.

Yes, I am from from Boston. Jersey girl born and raised, but I am a transplant, and this is my home. Obviously, you can't read, listen, or watch anything without hearing about the city. It's impossible. I am what so many other Bostonians are- shocked, confused, and really freaking angry. I am ridiculously thankful that all of my friends are present and accounted for- albeit very, very impacted. My nearest and dearest was in the Lenox Hotel bathroom, and texted me immediately. "There was a bomb but I am OK." My return text was asinine- "Like a glitter bomb? That's so cool!" (it hadn't even hit the news yet) and she was like, um, no, an actual explosive device. Oy. That's when the world went a little sideways and it was auto pilot. Call husband (working on race route); call parents to reassure safety; drive like hell to get kids from school; rush home to never, ever, leave again. Yeah, well, that's not reasonable. That's what I WANT to do, but not what I WILL do. I am avoiding the gratuitous news coverage, and am sticking to NPR for information. Of course, I can't avoid social media and won't even try. What gets to me is the pictures of Yankee Stadium, or the cartoon from the New Yorker. Buckets of tears. If anyone gets the way a Bostonian feels right now, it's a New Yorker. That breaks my heart. I am so thankful for the "helper trucks"- doctors, nurses, EMT's, veterans, runners, walkers. We are all trying to be helpers in our own way.

Really though? It makes me really f'ing angry. I want to wear Patriots, Celtics, Red Sox and Bruins jerseys all at once, while running (ha, um moseying) the marathon while doing a St. Paddy's Day pub crawl, eating lobster rolls and drinking Sam Adams. I want to smother myself in Boston stereotypes. I want to ride the duck tours, and go to the science museum, and walk the Freedom Trail, and nibble my way through Fanuil Hall. Not right now though. Right now I want to cry over lost innocence, and snuggle my boys.

Feelin' Groovy

So it's been QUITE a week. In short, I perforated both of my eardrums, have raging middle ear infections, and labyrinthitis. Yeah. It's ugly. I have had blood and pus dripping from both ears for almost a week now and it's still going strong. I don't think I have EVER felt so miserable. Sick enough to not even feel guilty calling out of work TWO days in a row. That's unheard of for me! Luckily, it's vacation week for ME next week so if I feel yucky I won't have to call out. Which is good, I have exactly .37 sick days left. That's not even an hour! Yes, My kids are going to school, every single day. Mamas need time too! I am going to get my hair done Monday morning, and hopefully spend a tremendous amount of time in the yard, especially in the "cage" (AKA fenced in toddler safe area). M calls it his "garden". It's pretty tricked out- picnic table, sandbox, cars, and even a mini slide. After Monday, however, it will be home to a climber AND a real slide! If you see me driving through town with a huge Little Tykes cube on my roof, make sure to wave! So far it has been a lot of raking and stick collecting. M is pretty good at that part, except he gets upset when we have to dump them in the woods. He wants to keep them in his garden, which is so not the point. I have raked out all the beds (and just made oodles of unsightly piles) ready to do some planting and pruning. I say that now- I foresee some TV watching too. I am also going to move all my craft stuff down to the office and move all the "extra" toys upstairs. After next weekend, the boys will have an actual play room! Really, it's for M to have some independence playing upstairs, since when he and J are on the loose together it never ends well. They love each other fiercely but need their own time! So I am feeling good- there's a sitter over right now digging in the sandbox while I "work" inside. And Daddy is home for dinner tonight (WAHOO!!!) and he even said we might GO OUT TO DINNER! Double wahoo!

I'm gearing up for a productive week. Honestly, not being able to hear might be to my advantage because I can't take on any extra duties if I can't hear them :)

Oh no he didn't!

So my kid threw sand today. At one of his friends. Now, what the hell do you do? It was at school so obviously I didn't do anything. His teacher did- she pulled him aside and talked to him about it. At first, like Mr. M has the tendency to do, he laughed, giggled, and pulled the cute schtick. And then got a little verklempt. A few tears. As well he should. I was not happy at pick up to learn he was unkind to others, but hell, he's three. This shit happens. I was incredible please with how they handled it. C'mon, it's so hard to reprimand your own kid. They do this cute thing and you're done. Kudos to preschool teachers unswayed by adorableness. That's exactly how I want my kids' preschool teachers to be. We watched the movie "Bully" in Psychology today and it breaks my heart- how can children get to middle school aged without knowing right from wrong? And then I remembered my own kids- we can be blinded by our unbridled love for them. In that sense, I am so grateful that I am not their only teacher of they way they need to navigate the world!!!

Really, if the preschool teachers could just move in with me, I'd appreciate it.

More thinking...

Really, I shouldn't think. It stresses me out. My thoughts for the day.

1. As much as Prius' make me giggle, smart cars make me out and out guffaw.
2. Tye-dye is a PITA. My students love it though- my purple hands? Totally different story.
3. Homemade ricotta with pistachio pesto is a food-gasm if I have ever had one. Mmmm.
4. Leaves are the devil spawn, and I hate them.
5. I love rainbow colored things. It's just an added bonus that the rainbow has been embraced by the GLBT population. Anything Roy G. Biv makes me happy. Especially Adirondack chairs.
6. My floor is still sticky. It's still not OK. That said, there is NOTHING I can do about it at the present moment. Maybe when the kids are 18. Or can mop it themselves.
7. Tomorrow is Easter. That is fun. Who cares what the calendar says? I wanna celebrate holidays multiple times with multiple groups of people.
8. Knees are ridiculous. There is just no one answer for why a person's knee hurts so badly. Dr. Google just isn't specific enough.
9. Bacon should be it's own delicious food group. And should take over the plate in that little healthy food diagram.

That's all I've got.

Under Pressure

Under Pressure- it's a great song all right, but it's a crap way to live. That's the way I feel a lot of moms feel in this day and age though. There have been some very public moms struggling with substance abuse and the like (have you read Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay? Indeed, they are not- but the author famously struggled with alcoholism and is in recovery). Katie Couric recently spotlighted moms with these struggles and it was well done. It's amazing how quickly we can so oh my goodness how could that happen? and then turn around and pour a glass of merlot. Yes, alcoholism is a real problem for millions of people every day. Moms are definitely a subset of them.

Me? No. Do I enjoy a glass of wine? OF COURSE. Have you met me? Yes, yes I do. But there is a real difference. I enjoy a glass (or two- or in a few instances, three) when I am with my husband. Or with my parents. I could never justify that when I am ALONE with the children. Alcohol impairs your judgement. What if a child fell and needed to go to the hospital? What if there was an emergency? You can't take those risks as a parent, and honestly, as a mom. That said, I'm not at all surprised. Being a mom is incredibly lonely. You can have tons of friends and a lively social circle, but that doesn't matter when it's 4 am and you woke up to unload the dishwasher and pack lunches. Where are your friends at 7 pm when you are exhausted and mentally drained from the day? Um, they are in their houses doing the same thing you are. Kids need structure and routine. And yes, they need it in their own house. That's the part of mothering that is so isolating. It doesn't matter what kind of a situation you are in- single, lesbian, divorced, married happily- it is impossible to truly have a balance. It's the moms that kids cry out for in the middle of the night when they pee through their jammies- it's the moms that little ones scream for at the slightest inkling of sibling discord. It's certainly not saying that daddies aren't important, but they aren't the central figure of small children's lives, for the most part. Obviously, there are situations where this is blatantly not the fact. However, in my world, and that of most of my contemporaries, it's not the way it rolls. And that, my friend, is a lot of freaking pressure. We can pretend that it doesn't matter how clean our house is, that we are busy making memories, but it does. I think every mom gets down on herself at some point or another. Me? My laundry is clean but stacked in various places around the house. My work stays at work for the most part, but I am on the ball every minute I am in work, and sometimes it isn't enough. My floors are sticky, but it makes me INSANE. (ok, right now they aren't. We spilled juice so they are squeaking clean at the moment out of necessity.) Yeah, it's not easy being green a mom. That's why it's so very important to have sisters alongside of us. Whether in real life, or on line. Maybe it's an hour of therapy a week, or an hour a year. A pedicure every six months. We NEED those few stolen moments for ourselves. The silence that is still constantly interrupted by the phone, or niggling worries about our spawn. That's enough sometimes. When it isn't? Yeah, a glass of wine is great. Or a cheesy pizza. Or a birthday cake Oreo. Everyone has something. And it's really important that it isn't one thing to excess. That's when moms run into trouble.

And when that happens? We can't judge, we can just love them for being human. We're ALL under pressure, and it's the best, and worst, place to be. Wouldn't trade it for the world, but some days, it really just sucks. And that's ok. It doesn't make us less as mothers. It makes us normal.

Nom nom nom

OK, so if you know me at all you know that I am kind of snarky, have two kids, am a teacher, and that I really like food. Good food, not just crap off the shelves (unless it is Birthday Cake Oreos- those are insanely delicious and should not exist at all). I love the rigamarole of fancy food, and love dining out as much as possible. Yes the children have put a damper on that, but occasionally I find a restaurant that fills my needs AND their needs. In the name of full disclosure, I am about to spew compliments about a restaurant owned by my dear friends. Yes, it's fantastic. Yes, it's "fancy", but yes, it's also kid friendly. My friends opened a restaurant in Worcester called Volturno- Pizza Napoletana (and I am not Italian so I will definitely screw something up here). They have wood-fired pizza ovens that can cook a pizza in 90 seconds. And it's AMAZING. My kids love it. Mr. M calls crust "logs" and typically will toss them in the garbage, but tonight he ate his pizza (fior de latte- basically mozzarella & sauce) and then proceeded to pull the "logs" off of my pizza, the funghi. Yeah, that's mushrooms with goat cheese, and a bunch of other delicious cheeses, on an olive oil base- no sauce. I had it for the first time tonight, and I took a bite- and groaned in disbelief. Those wonderful little mushrooms had been misted/soaked/brushed with a lemon oil. Yeah. It was amazing. It was like that little bit of acidity woke up the earthy little funghi with some freakin' fireworks. Really, who thinks of that? I was over the moon. Never mind the fantastic arancini made with porcini mushrooms- this was off the charts delicious. So go eat there people. It's delicious. And bring your kids. They will love it too!

Did I mention there are massive windows so your small ones can stare at the cars/trains/people and pretty much leave you alone to enjoy an adult meal? That MIGHT be almost as good as my pizza.