Admit it. If you're a mom, or hell, a parent in general, you have THE GUILT. The "my kid is wearing pajamas to school AGAIN" guilt. The "ummm, yeah, they ate Doritos in the car on the way to school but you would never know except for that orange mouth" guilt. The "I was SURE he brushed his teeth well" guilt. We all have it. If you are one of the lucky ones who doesn't hang on to it, I HAVE YOURS. I feel guilty over freaking EVERYTHING. Today little J wanted mac and cheese in his lunchbox, and even got it out of the pantry for me. I sent him to the playroom to pick his show and tell toy, and promptly shoved something else, which was already cooked, in his lunchbox.
And then worried about it. ALL. DAY. Almost nauseous. Yeah, my kid is fine. He doesn't really need the mac and cheese in his lunch box. For flip's sake, I would have felt MORE guilty had I made it for him, because the only one he eats is Wegman's Spirals. Surely it has no nutritional value, AND red dye, or yellow dye, or orange dye number five million in it. I would have bitten my finger nails to the nubs over the permanent damage I was causing. I would have even put it in a non-glass tupperware that would be swarming with BPA, or PPD, or BPD, or whatever it is that would SURELY be destroying his intestines.
Sigh. The real guilt though? I bought myself a new pair of shoes. Not any shoes, but a new pair of patent leather (with polka dots!) Dansko XP clogs. Yeah. They're not cheap. Never mind the fact that I have not purchased myself a pair of shoes other than clearance sneaks in THREE YEARS. I'm a teacher, and my little VivoFit screams at me daily, accusing me of falsifying the steps I take each day. Yeah, um, watch thingy? I'm a TEACHER. I hustle during the day! It happens! And my feet suck. Plantar fasciitis like CRAZY. I need good shoes. I can rock Crocs, which make me look like a Smurf, or Danskos. The Danskos I wear every day were a Christmas gift- in 2009. Oiled Patent Leather. I love them. They're adorable. THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. They are showing their age. It was time. Still, I debated the purchase for almost a week. They sat in my beautiful little Amazon cart for AGES. Today, I got a notification that there was ONE. PAIR. LEFT. It was my time to ACT! To be DECISIVE! I clicked "checkout", and actually went through with it. Since then, however, the guilt has been in overdrive. That's five cases of pull-ups. A week of groceries. Three days of yogurt.
Then I had a little reality check. I have to GET. THE. FUCK. OVER. THIS. SHIT. I have ENOUGH guilt. I still feel awful that I didn't stand in line myself to register my kid for kindergarten (even though it was literally JUST paper pushing)! Me feeling guilty changes absolutely nothing. I will be empowered to OWN my choices! I AM MAMA HEAR ME ROAR!
Snort. Who am I kidding? I'll still feel guilty, but wearing super adorable, new, orthopedic clogs.
