'Tis the Season for PHILANTHROPY!

I'm a very lucky gal. I was raised in a family that valued helping others- on many different levels. I grew up know that it wasn't just about money, but about actually giving. When I went away to college, I was lucky enough to work with an organization called HAVOC- Hamilton Action Volunteer Outreach Community. I worked with children living in shelters; I spent time with mothers recently released from prison; I was able to help inner city children learn to read and write; I got to help build houses. These experiences shaped me as a person, and as a mother. My mom recently was able to attend the UNICEF Snowflake Gala- because she, too, is a giver.

I love food. Food is my comfort zone- this has translated into catering for families and individuals, but also into donating excess to organizations that desperately need food. I will keep cooking for others- the rest of my life. I am happy to be able to donate financially to organizations like Peach's Neet Feet- helped by many other families in lieu of birthday gifts for my two lovely, healthy sons. I can't wait to start sewing for Binkeez for Comfort. I donate monthly to the Jane Fund. My students and I have been filling purses with toiletries for Abby's House. These, to me, feel like very small drops in the pond. I have two amazing children that are OBSESSED with the tangible. They want every toy they see a commercial for, and feel like they are owed toys. Granted, they are still young. The BIGGEST struggle I have as a parent is teaching them the beauty in GIVING.

What makes me happy when I succumb to their pleas for a new toy? The GIVING of it. It's not in the having, the owning- it's in the joy that swells my heart when I GIVE. I see it in them, some days, when they bring a picture they made just for me. When Mr. M tells me I am a queen and he will be my knight. In the sweet snuggles J lays on me when I feel sad.

The holiday season brings out the best, and worst, in many. I encourage all of my readers, all twelve of you, to fight the urge to be cranky about what could be- and find joy in the "what is"'s. Celebrate every moment. Return every hug.

Above all, GIVE. It doesn't take money, it takes heart. There are ways to bolster our communities without spending a dime- search for those ways, and share them. Take the time to be KIND.

Kindness, and love, always win.

Extortion is SO Adorable These Days

Tis the season for formal portraits, right? No different here. My nuggets had their school pictures taken a few weeks ago, and I got to pick them up tonight. The way it works for my guys is that the company prints every possible picture- and what I pay for, I take home. Essentially, if I decide not to get ANY, all pictures are trashed. On fancy picture paper. Gone, baby, gone. Yeah, that's heartbreaking it itself- what a WASTE of resources. The thought of my precious boys' faces in the shredder kills me. This is CLEARLY what the companies that extort serve families want! My kids' pictures are cute.

The amount I have to pay for them? Not cute. NOT CUTE AT ALL. It makes me nuts! We're not talking "oh I hired a photographer so I need to pay for their time" photos. It's 70+ kids over two days. $15 a picture. Or, get a super fancy package for $234 that has ALL of the sizes plus an oil painting version. RIDIC. I bought four sheets. One of each child, one together, and one sheet of wallets- because buying those four "sheets" was less than $10 difference than just buying three. I get that it's cheaper when I buy more. But really? WHY? There are so many companies where you get a full package for $40 bucks. Clearly, I'm a sucker. Who can say no to those faces! It boils down to convenience- I can't get my guys in matching outfits and into a photo studio- no way in HELL. Convenience is king, but I will get to the point where it's just not worth it, and then, I shall feel like a crap mom for not buying the pictures. 

Granted, I will not be completely financially crippled by getting four sheets. I can make some allowances to my budget (which I have been crazily obsessed with in an effort to be fiscally responsible) to get them. However, I think it straight up sucks. It's hard enough parenting- and parenting solo? A little extra hard. Feeling supported is amazing. Feeling extorted, on the other hand? 

Well, that sucks. It's really adorable extortion, but it still bites.

People Lie.

Yes, people lie. This terrible two thing? It's bullshit. I call foul. Two was kind of awesome for both of my kids. Three however? It's an effing NIGHTMARE. Tantrums. TANTRUMS. Capitol letter tantrums. Kicking, screaming, I AM THE BOSS tantrums. They are awful. It's the age of "fine, ride to school naked because you refuse to get dressed what-do-I-care tantrums". Literally. BOTH of my children have marched into school in their skivvies because they refused to accept any form of clothing. Granted, as soon as I punched my magic code in to open the school doors, they were blissfully silent and accepting being dressed. Fine. Bottom line, they were at school and clothed. When I took J for his three year well visit, you had to answer a bunch of questions- "Are you concerned with your child's behavior?" Are you worried about his interactions with others?" Um, yeah, he's three. I may or may not have caused my pedi to pee himself.

Today Mr. J, the lovely, sweet, child, well, until his third birthday on Monday, threw several epic tantrums. The first? Over a display for "How to Train Your Dragon 2" in Target. He wanted the dragon. Not the movie, the damn dragon. On the cardboard. On the display. Which isn't for sale. Yeah, well... that didn't work for anything. Thankfully, my Target has a Starbucks, so I sipped my lovely holiday espresso in the parking lot in 30 degree weather while my three year old screamed bloody murder in the car. Wouldn't sit in the car seat. Wouldn't do ANYTHING but scream. Luckily I was in the mommy parking aisle, apparently. Seasoned moms smiled conspiratorially when I said "three". New moms clutched their sweet infants and looked away. Eventually Mr. Cranky saw a sticky hair comb and was suddenly consumed with getting home to wash it. Phew.

Then, there was the market. Not so pretty there. I love Wegman's, but they have entirely too few car carts. As I held my writhing, sobbing three year old the kind cart attendant searched the lot- to no avail. Needless to say, we left the store with yogurt, a chicken, and wine. I drove home to wails of "IWANTTHECARCARTWHEREOHWHEREISTHECARCART!". I spoke with the manager as I was leaving, nearly in tears, and explained that I would have gladly given them all of my money if they had just had an effing car cart! He informed me that they had SIX! It was all I could do to respond in a rational voice and say "Have you seen the MOBS of people in your store? Six doesn't cut it, buddy. Get on it." I was a smidge mean, perhaps, because I got a personal follow up call about an hour later, and a reassurance that more "family carts" were ordered (I am pretty well known at the local Wegman's- just sayin').

Now? Now Mr. Three is fast asleep. He begged to go to bed, and as hard as I tried, you just can't refuse a naked three year old running as fast as his stubby legs will take him, to bed. With shouts of "you poopyhead!" he threw himself onto the bed and was asleep within moments.

Clearly, three year olds aren't stupid. They have SOME self preservation skills.

Well, that was ugly.

Everyone warned me that there would be some quiet, unassuming moment where the divorce would smack me like a ton of bricks, and I would LOSE. MY. SHIT. My divorced friends, my mom, my therapist- it was pretty unanimous that it would come. I thought I was ready. I have had some ugly moments, no doubt- just ask Sara Lynn about those early days, around the fire pit. Court was awful. I almost passed out- my lawyer had to grab me and hold me up (and for his hourly rate, I DO NOT FEEL BAD).  There are moments. Small, innocuous moments. However, nothing like what I experienced last night. Yesterday morning I met with a photographer friend to get some family photos done. I have a few good pics of the boys and I post single hood, but nothing GREAT. I wanted fabulous. I wanted fall festiveness. And let me tell you, I got it. My gal Christine is extremely talented. It was cold, a bit damp, and my boys are almost three and five. There wasn't a listening ear in the house! I didn't doubt her talents because she did J's newborn shots, and a very entertaining, nose-picking, pond-exploring shoot almost two years ago. Pics? Gorgeous. Yesterday was no different. She shared this image with me.

I loved it. I thought it was amazing, and captured us so well. I didn't feel fat, I didn't think anyone looked disheveled- I just loved it with all of my being. I felt like it truly captured who we are. And then I. LOST. MY. EVERLOVING. SHIT. Sobbing. Boogering. Ugly crying. Unable to breath crying. Couldn't see but for the tears. This is my family. My beautiful, perfect in my eyes, family. And I am the head of it. IT IS ME. There is no co-parent visible, because there isn't one, and that is a-ok. There is happiness in my house, in my life, and joy in my heart. There's also a crap ton of laundry to put away and other such things- which truly means nothing in the long run. I wept for the could haves, should haves, and won't ever happens. Hell, I even CALLED A FRIEND. I don't particularly like to "have emotions" with others, I prefer to keep them all locked up, and function under a facade of normalcy. With this kind of grief, it wasn't happening. I could barely talk on the phone, and my friend seemed to just know what to say. I talked to my mom, and as always, got me (my mom is AWESOME), and reiterated that I was normal, and having an "artichoke" moment (long story, for another day). Once the tears finally dried, I looked at this picture again, and laughed. This is my family. I love them. 

And it is perfect. 

Happiness is...

Well, in my house, happiness is apparently a crap-ton of work! I laugh because today is a HOME DAY! The days with no school, and when my boys and I are all together. Daddy days DON'T count, obviously. When the boys woke up this morning and realized it was a home day there was great rejoicing. There were pancakes in our jammies, and an actual leisurely shower by mommy (hey, four minutes is totally leisurely in my book!). I BLOW DRIED MY HAIR. It's cool, pick your jaws up off the floor. I only did it because we were meeting my friend Christine for family pictures. Family picture day is important to all mamas, but for me, it's something totally different. It is like a tangible representation that our mama-headed family is real. Obviously, I know we are a family, that's not news. However, it takes on a tremendous amount of meaning when you aren't "normal". It's a way for me to remind myself, and family and friends, that we ARE a family. We're a-ok without a traditional set up. Hell, we're way freaking better. We're HAPPY. And today, happiness truly is a trashed house. It was rather orderly, but then we went to a playdate, and the fabric store, and the market. Now, it's several wooden cars drying on the kitchen table; a few smears of paint on the family room wall; apple peels on the counter; tiny cars scattered throughout five rooms; random stalks of celery on the kitchen floor from my "helpers". In fact, as I just observed, it's a living room couch in the MIDDLE of the living room (silly wood floors mean that furniture just gouges slides around). These things may make my eye twitch uncontrollably, but really, it's ok. We have chicken noodle soup simmering; apple crisp in the oven; a craft mommy and nuggets did together (the cars!); and a pretty awesome fort made out of the living room curtains, the couch, and a few chairs (alright, that part is making me nuts). It's pure happiness. The sounds of laughter and a little fighting, if I'm honest.

It's a warm, happy home, mess be damned. Oh., and apparently it's clothing optional. Sigh. So well worth it.

Fashion sense, or lack thereof.

I used to look cute sometimes. Emphasis on the sometimes! I know how to match things, and the like. These days, however, I seem to have settled into a horrific rut. There are dresses, and there are pajamas. Dresses can encompass everything from formal stuff with an actual zipper, that has to be actually used in order to put on the dress, and my daily uniform of moo-mooooooo. Yes, I know that's not how it is spelled, but remember, I love hyphens. Anything I can pull over my head qualifies. I wear them to work, around the house, to the beach, to the market. Most of my favorites dresses are actually beach cover ups, which, if I am being kind of honest, look like it. I am the woman wearing a sleeveless dress in January, with a sweater and leggings, because c'mon, who has time??? At this point, most of my moo-moos are looking a bit worse for wear. I finally trashed my purple cotton moo because it had grease spots and a black frosting stain. I cried. Then there are pajamas, heretofore referred to as things that are comfortable and in a varying stage of decay. They're comfy. Ripped. Stained. That's fine with me! My kids don't care, and typically neither do it. 

HOWEVER. And this is a gigantic HOWEVER. I am single.

Theoretically, I should have an outfit or two that isn't hideous. My mom bought me some gorgeous things at the beginning of the summer, and I wear them to work a lot. As in, I pair the shirts with some stretchy could-be-yoga-pants-but-maybe-fitted-real-pants and run out the door. I love them. 

But when faced the concept of, oh geez, I don't know- GOING ON A DATE- I freeze. I have jeans. They have tye dye on them (oops). So I have another pair of jeans. They make me look like a vienna sausage in search of some extra casing. Then there is the last pair of jeans- that fit fine, but hang off my non-existent ass in a pretty disturbing plumber-ish way (I have no ass, don't blame my comfy jeans)! NOW WHAT? I have cute shoes, of course, that I can't really wear (stupid effing plantar fasciitis) but will wear anyway, and I have GREAT mascara (who doesn't want eyelashes that leave a shadow?) and a pretty damn fine personality- and yet, NO. GOOD. JEANS. 

I think I need to live in that awesome jeans commercial where they measure the women and say things like "your size is radiant!", and every woman looks insane. 

Until then, unstained moo-moo for the win.

Actually...no.

I have been really nasty the past two days. I'm a happy, kind, friendly person- but I have wanted to stay out of my own way. I finally realized that I'm pissed off. I had a chat with someone the other day- another mama, merely an acquaintance. It was totally innocent- she's stressed out, remembered I was divorced, and she said, "Oh it must be so nice to have some time to yourself while the kids are with their dad!". I nodded and said goodbye. No big deal. But really? THAT'S what is bothering me. So, from a single mama to two little nuggets- some insight.

IT SUCKS.

No really, IT BITES.

Of course I enjoy seeing friends, and shopping unfettered. These are things I do even when the kids are with me. If I am that much in need of help, I hire a sitter, or call a friend. When I do not have my kiddos with me, because they are with their father, I am NOT excited. I do things that are fun, and try to make the most of it, but in all actuality, I feel dis-jointed. Not whole. Off-kilter. And lots of other phrases that utilize hyphens, because I really like hyphens. There is nothing that upsets me more than stepping on a lego (because it hurts like a bitch, obviously) because it draws attention to the fact that my boys aren't playing with them. When I turn on the TV and Disney Junior pops up, it moves me to tears. Opening the fridge, I see all these little gross drinky yogurts, and I cry. They all scream in my face "YOOO HOOOO!!!! You, there? YOU ARE A FAILURE. You suck. You couldn't maintain your marriage for the sake of your kids." There. I said it. That's what it feels like. Lest there be some confusion- I am fucking THRILLED that I am not married (happy enough that I will utilize the oh-so-crude f-bomb [ooooh hyphens]). Keeping misery afloat just leads to more misery. However, I refuse to say that it's all fun and games.

Egads, you think. This lady needs a therapist. I beg to differ (I already have a damn good one).  No, I am not depressed. No, I do not need anything other than people to understand that it's NOT fun to have free time when all you want is to be with your kids. Telling me I am lucky to have time away from my children DOESN'T HELP. I know it's from a good place, from looking at the bright side, and what not.  I don't hold it against people. Please, some days, all I, and every other mama on the planet, needs is a break from my kiddos- I get that.

Please, PLEASE, don't consider me lucky. Give me a hug, come visit, call me. Say I know this sucks but let's try to stay positive. I get that. I AM THAT. I am a ray of flipping sunshine.

But even the brightest sun can be obscured by the clouds.

Tie a Yellow Ribbon...

I tie lots and lots of bows. Red ones, green ones, pink, and glittered. Tonight I tied yellow ribbons around my entire property, and that of my neighbor- mailboxes too. In honor of a fallen soldier- just 28 years old, from my town. I do not know him, I do not know his family- but their grief is our grief. I set out with three spools of ribbon (which being a bow girl, I had on hand), a pair of scissors, and my two sons. I did not anticipate the emotion that would overtake me as one boy held the scissors and the other the ribbon. Standing facing a massive pine tree, creating a double bow, I sobbed. This young man could be any of our sons. Our brother. Our neighbor. I just let the tears fall, as I am sure his family and friends are doing right now- saying goodbye to a true hero. I don't like war- I never will. However, the respect I have for those to chose to serve is mighty. As I tied those bows, I thought of my boys- and with the hope that by the time they are old enough there will be no need for yellow ribbons. Remember, friends, every fallen soldier is OURS. They died to protect me, my children, my freedom.

And I pray with all the hope and joy in my heart that truly, #lovewins.

Eureka! THE MEANING OF LIFE!

Strangely, I can't think of a title yet for this post, because frankly, I don't know what direction I am going with it (by the end I SO had it though!!! It takes time...). I am a total mishmash of mush at the moment, because I had a fantastic day doing the only real thing human beings are put on the earth to do- spreading love and joy. The nuts and bolts? I made a lot of cupcakes to share with a lot of good people. I was lucky to be able to participate in a very peripheral role with Binkeez for Comfort and Peach's Neet Feet's Super Hero party here in Worcester. It was just awesome! PNF is an organization that I have been donating to, and asking friends and family to donate to, over the past two years. (Birthday party for my kids? Please donate instead of gifts- oh, it's YOUR birthday? I'll donate instead of trying to buy you something you don't actually need or already have)! Being able to see Peach present shoes to two young super heroes was pretty darn amazing. Cue waterworks.

Seeing Susan present Binkeez to the mamas who have had to say goodbye to their littles? Mind blowing. Note, there is no picture because I was trying not to sob too loudly and interrupt. This organization is local, and I just met the founder recently, and yet, I feel like I have known her for ages. I can't wait to start sewing for them! What these two organizations do for families and children is pretty much every synonym that exists for fabulous. What really impacts me, however, is the love they do it with. No one is alone in their mission- there are mamas, friends, and families behind them. All of these people are doing it for the right reason- to spread love. I met so many wonderful people today, and they all radiated such joy and appreciation for the moment- I couldn't help but be inspired. We all wore these shirts, and I think it might be my new favorite wardrobe item (my apologies to work- who needs a dress code, right??)

I'm a high energy person- I do a lot of different things, and it wasn't until today that I realized that I don't have to say, "oh, well, I am a teacher, but I also...". There is ONE answer. I spread love- through my teaching every day- through raising my boys to live joyfully and with meaning- through baking and cooking for others- these are all pieces of me. As I snuggle into bed tonight, totally exhausted, I can fall asleep knowing that I am surrounding myself with other good people- who truly understand that you have to live in the moment, and do nothing but add to the world. I feel as if I have struck on the true meaning of live. ADD to the world. DO good. BE loving. APPRECIATE the beauty. If you don't see beauty around you, CREATE IT. 

Please check out these organizations- read their stories- watch the videos- and choose to live every one of YOUR days with love in your heart. 

Summer breeze, makes me feel fine...

Alright, so maybe it's not quite MY summer yet. I told Mr. M that today was the first day of summer and I got the "I KNOW THAT MOMMY!" response. I was thinking his teachers were even more awesome until he reported that he learned it on the TV. Whoops. What matters is that he knows it, RIGHT??? Today we picked what I thought was twenty plus pounds of strawberries, but upon examining the receipt, it was actually 46 pounds- now that's the start of REAL summer. I have to work Monday- then I have almost two weeks off until summer school. I love summer school- it's short, fun, and not stressful! Even so, I have GOALS for my summer.

1. Learn how to make traditional pierogi, from scratch.
2. Get over my irrational fear of real canning. I can rock pickles and the like in the fridge- but this whole concept of boiling water terrifies me.
3. Decorate enough cakes to buy an extra fridge for said delicious pickles.
4. Spend six hours, served concurrently, at Good Harbor beach. Uninterrupted.
5. Lose 20 pounds. This has the same likelihood of actually occurring as number 4.
6. Get a bumblebee tattoo. The insect, not the Transformer.
7. Try to break addiction to tattoos. After my bee.
8. Stay away from red meat in the house until September 1. If we're at a BBQ, cool, but I am too reliant on it! Besides, bacon is pink, not red.
9. Actually take a freaking Zumba class. I think I would love it.
10. Commit to hiring a sitter weekly so I can take said Zumba class.
11. Harvest my squash, cucumbers, and tomatoes so I can make roasted tomato garlic sauce for winter, pickles, and just eat the squash!

That's all I have, for now! Somewhere in there I will do the curriculum planning for the fall- well, I'll do it the day before school starts, that is...

So many things to say...

The past 11 months have been weird. I've been going through a divorce, and haven't wanted to really discuss it on any social media, or whatnot. My friends have known, obviously, and my family. The support I have received has been amazing. Nothing short of spectacular. However, as I stood in a courtroom today and dealt with a "trainee" judge I will freely admit that I almost passed out cold. My lawyer, ever the G, noticed and grabbed my arm to keep me upright. It's not new that my marriage was failing- but what struck me today was that it truly failed. I failed. He failed. We both were ready for a new tomorrow. And that was OK. It's OK to move on. It's OK to encounter a myriad of emotions. It's OK to want to burst into tears and cackle with hysterical laughter in the same moment. What hasn't failed? My love and concern for my kids. My need to provide for them now, and for the rest of their lives. My ability to understand that just because their father and I can't be married doesn't condemn them to a fatherless life. Whatever the next step is, I am ready.

I am ready because I had support. A great lawyer. Self-realization that this was the right thing. A family, or true "TEAM" behind me. The inner strength to weather the bad days. And also the ability to look forward. To know that this is just one step in my journey. It's ok. I am ok. My kids are ok. I overuse the work ok, and that is ok.

I am divorced.

Easy Baked Sandwiches

Ok, so I NEVER have bread. It's something that just escapes my capability- but I always have crescent rolls. I use the store brand, or Pillsbury, but I know that Immaculate Baking Company makes a more organic version. Here's a recipe for an easy peasy baked sandwich that once chilled and sliced is excellent for school lunches, picnics, and the like.

2 packages crescent rolls
1 container lunch meat (I get the Wegman's smoked turkey in the package, as it's more cost effective)
Turkey pepperoni or bacon (pre-cooked)
Sliced or shredded cheese (any kind- I've done cheddar and swiss; colby jack and gouda)
Roasted Garlic & Tomato Jam

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray the bottom of a baking dish (mine is about 8 x 12) with cooking spray. Use one package of crescent rolls to cover the bottom. Layer cheese/meat/tomato jam/meat, and top with more cheese. There's no real rules to this. I have also added in pickled onions, roasted red peppers, and whatever I am in the mood for. Top with the other container of crescent rolls, trying to smush down the edges. I almost tuck them down towards the bottom crust along the sides. Cover with foil and bake for 20 minutes. Remove foil, and bake another 20 minutes. Allow to set, then cut and enjoy! Great cold too!!!

Roasted Garlic & Tomato Jam

Today wound up being beautiful- but I only figured that out AFTER doing a massive market trip in order to fill my freezer, and amuse the boys. They like cooking, thankfully, and M is actually getting some skills! It was just so sunny and lovely I started out with the Roasted Garlic & Tomato jam, which is my favorite topping for a sandwich, burger, or with brie. It's even lovely in a baked brie.

So here it is- my most delicious jam EVER. Yeah, well, don't tell that I only make one.

2 pints cherry or grape tomatoes
2 heads of garlic, roasted
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar
Instant fruit pectin (1/2 packet)
Freezer canning jars (they're plastic, and I use the 8 oz size)


To make about 3 cups, use a blender or food processor to pulse together the tomatoes, the roasted cloves of 2 heads of garlic (wrap them in foil and bake at 325°F for about an hour until soft and lightly caramelized), and 1 teaspoons Kosher salt. Mix the pectin with the brown sugar. Stir into tomato mixture, and spoon into jars. Make sure you pay attention to the fill line! Pop into the freezer and pull out when you need a taste of summer!

1. 
   

Naked Left Handed Mamas, REJOICE!

Yeah, I'm a naked left handed mama. No wedding ring, no engagement ring. I'm doing it on my own- for ME. For my boys. Today is Mother's Day in the US (no clue if it's the same for all of my, oh, three readers across the pond!) and I was DREADING it. Mother's Day just seemed like a set-up for me- like any other Sunday. Wipe noses. Make lunches. Change diapers. Repeat. It wasn't though. As for the gift scene, my parents helped my boys choose gifts for me, which I adored. Their teachers helped them make lovely "homemade" gifts, which I will treasure forever. It's truly not about the stuff- but I steeled myself to see all the cute posts on Facebook of the breakfasts in bed, manufactured by daddies (read: husbands), to spoil their partners, and baby mamas. Yeah, there were those, but it honestly didn't bother me. I had some sad moments, but the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior- and when I was married Mother's Day surprises didn't make the cut- so why should it bother me now? You know what? It didn't. I was with my boys. I am ALWAYS with my mama in my heart. I saw many friends. I celebrated with people I adore. I laughed, smiled, and had my face painted like a tiger. I enjoyed a day in the sun with my sons, doing things they enjoy. I ate yummy food, and tucked my sweet babies into bed by 8 pm (yes, as amazing as the day was, it was really nice for the nuggets to be in bed)! It was a great day (and if you watch the Fresh Beats, go ahead and sing the rest of the song- "it was a super day! To spend the day together!!!")

I'm glad that the day is over, mainly because I'm exhausted from all of the good times. And also, because I no  longer dread the second Sunday in May. Mother's Day is a beautiful day to be alive- to be loved, to be honored, and most importantly, to be free.

I threw a shower!

I have a friend. Well, I have several friends- but I only have one getting married. I get to be a bridesmaid, and Mr. M gets to be a ringbearer (with a fake ring obviously- he'd totally lose it, especially since it's not a treasured firetruck). The best part? I got to throw a bridal shower! I love entertaining, and food, and my friend, so it was a no brainer. The primary point of this post is to share the recipes that I used to create our yummy, multi-ethnic spread! First of all, the crab rangoon was my basic recipe- I played around with the shape a bit, but it's my standard. I also served spanakopita (like a real Greek, a guest proclaimed!), Greek salad, sesame noodles, Thai rice salad, curried chicken salad, and a lovely coconut cake. As for party throwing- choose a color theme, and then become obsessed with it. We used orange, pink, and yellow for everything from invites to favors!

So here goes:

Greek Salad

Cucumbers, cut in half and seeded, then sliced
Red onion chopped
Tomatoes, chopped
Kalamata olives, pitted (I use the pre-halved ones in a jar!)
Feta cheese

Dressing:
3 parts red wine vinegar to one part lemon juice, 1 part olive oil, a few shakes dried oregano. I like to combine them in a mason jar and shake like crazy!!!! I am sorry I don't have real measurements, but I don't measure when I make this- I shake and taste.

Sesame Noodles

Pasta (I used plain old spaghetti), cooked- I tossed with a smidge of olive oil so it didn't stick together)
12 ounces of the pasta
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 tbsp sugar
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp rice vinegar
3 tbsp sesame oil
4 tbsp olive oil
5 green onions (snipped- I use scissors!)
Sesame seeds

Combine all of the ingredients except the pasta, sesame seeds, and onions. Stir well and combine with pasta. Garnish with green onions and sesame noodles. If you like some spice, you can use about a 1/2 tsp of hot chili oil- I don't, because I am a PANSY.

Spanakopita

Now, bear with me- I don't really measure but these are DELICIOUS.

3 boxes frozen chopped spinach
5 green onions
Large container ricotta cheese
8 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp dill
Bag of shredded parmesan (about 1.5 cups if you're shredding fresh)
Phyllo dough (get the sheets)
Cooking spray, butter flavored

Thaw the spinach and REALLY drain. I like to put it in a dish towel and twist it up like salt water taffy, and squeeze all the liquid out. Add to garlic, chopped green onions, dill, parmesan and combine well. Add about 3/4 of the container of ricotta. Combine thoroughly. Just use your hands- it works so much better. Allow phyllo dough to thaw, and then lay out on the counter. It should be very thin sheets. I lay them out so the long edge is like the horizon, and use a knife to cut into four even strips. As you cut, you are doing ALL the layers. For them to be fairly equally wide, I have a fifth teeny strip left over. You can be all mathematical and organized about it, and have equally sized strips, but I'm not that good. Spritz all exposed surfaces with cooking spray. This spray is your new BFF. Use it plentifully on exposed phyllo dough. You can also use melted butter, but I think the butter spray makes everything easier. Scoop a spoonful at the top of the strip, and proceed to fold over into a triangle shape, spritzing and folding over until the strip is gone. Think flag folding. I don't have a good explanation, but if you know how to fold a flag, you can do this. Hell, there is probably a youTube video on flag folding that might be helpful! Continue to spritz with your butter spray, and arrange folded triangles on a baking sheet that has been (you guessed it!) spritzed with the lovely butter spray. Bake at 375 degrees until golden brown.

As for the Thai Rice Salad, I LOVE THIS RECIPE. I often make it with chicken so that it is heartier. I rarely remember to add the shredded spinach, too.

Thai Rice Salad w. Peanut Dressing

2 1/2 c. water

1 c. white rice

1 tsp. salt (optional)

1/3 c. chunky peanut butter

1/4 c. white wine vinegar

3 tbsp. vegetable oil

2 tbsp. soy sauce

1 tbsp. sugar

1 tsp. grated fresh ginger

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper

2 c. cut up cooked chicken (optional)

1/4 c. finely chopped onion

1 1/2 c. spinach leaves, cut into thin strips

Cook the rice according to package directions, and allow to cool. Using a wire whisk, combine peanut butter, vinegar, oil, soy sauce, sugar, ginger, garlic and cayenne in small bowl. Add to rice with peanut dressing, chicken and onion. Mix well. Cover and chill. Just before serving, stir in spinach. Yeah right. Forget the spinach. I always do. This gets better by the DAY!!! I adore making this for a crowd too, because it's super cost effective. 

Well, that's all I have for now. I'm not sharing the cake recipe, because I guess I'm just mean. I will say the key is coconut pastry cream between the layers, but that's as far as I go!!!

Why, yes, I'm a single mom...

Yup, that's me. Single mom. Raising two rambunctious boys. Yes, I work. Yes, I still have some ratchet semblance of a social life. More importantly, I'm doing it, and making it work. Granted, I just spent three hours rocking a feverish nugget because he just wanted his mama- and that's beautiful. When is the last time you got to devote three full, uninterrupted hours to someone you love? Let's be honest- that's what I am telling myself because I am freaking exhausted and covered in fever-toddler sweat; and I'm truly trying to find the bright side. Even so, it's what my baby needed in this moment, and that's what he got. When you work and parent so many things can slide by the wayside. That brings me to my revelation of the night (early morning?). I just watched that soon to be viral video where people apply to be director of operations for an unnamed company but it turns out they were applying to be moms- I sobbed at the end, as did many of those they interviewed- it touched a chord in me. I'm a halfway decent mom, because I had a WONDERFUL one. I couldn't even pretend to mother my two without the mothering she gave me. I was not a delightful child- I was a straight up pain in the ass a lot of the time. My snow suit was "uggy". I had to have the SHINY red shoes. My mom taught me how to just BE. My life just IS. I can't dwell on what isn't there- I can rely on the direction I was raised with- be a good person. Love others. Do for others. Take care of the people of the world.  For all of the sass I brought, my mom countered it with genuine love, devotion, and reality. She taught me that there are bigger things than the small things- and that it's not a competition (although as the recently crowned CAKE BOSS I'm pretty competitive these days). When we do it together, it works. When we share with others, we all win. Bottom line, love wins.

Which brings me to my real point- yes, I'm a single mom. Am I doing it alone? Oh hell no. I'm doing it with the wisdom and support of my parents- and my friends, and my colleagues- no mom is truly alone. It might feel like this deserted island where you need a freaking buff from Jeff Probst to handle the in and outs- but as tired, cranky, and downright ratchety (a term my students have used to refer to my less lovely days- which I think they are inventing, of course) as I may be some days?

I'm not alone. I have my people. And they make it possible, to be the mama my boys need- even in the middle of the night- even when they yak down the inside of my shirt. Yup, even then.

Why, yes, I can cook something vegan...

I love bacon. It's almost as amazing as my mom. ALMOST. However, when a friend tears her achilles, and she's vegan and gluten free, you add some dishes to your repertoire. This one's a super winner. Everyone who has tried it loves it- as do I! Do the kids eat it? Well, no. But I know OTHER people's children adore it!

Cashew "Mac & Cheese" Sauce

(don't try to pretend it's actually cheesy- it has similar tang and is delicious in it's own right!)

1 cup raw cashews
1 cup vegetable broth (or chicken if you're not vegan!)
3 cloves garlic
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
2 tbsp miso paste (mine was pretty mild so I used 3)
1 canned chipotle pepper, seeded OR five shakes from Chipotle Cholula

Soak cashews in water for at least an hour. Drain liquid and pop into food processor or Vitamix. I don't have a Vitamix so food processor for me! Add the rest of the ingredients and blend like crazy. Let it go- and no, not the Disney song- just let it bust out creamy goodness for a few minutes.  Cook some pasta, and throw in some frozen (ha ha TWO Frozen references in ONE blog post!) veggies or sauteed fresh veg.  If you are doing frozen, toss it in the pasta pot when it's ALMOST done. If it's fresh and already hot, just leave it to the side. Drain pasta and veg, then stir in sauce. If you have done the fresh veg route, toss them in too.

This s&^% is delicious. Super yummy. And SUPER healthy. Google nutritional yeast- you'll see.

Oh, and I just saw a pig fly by my window- with his bacon intact.

Orange Chicken, the Healthy-ish Way!

As I mentioned earlier, I'm a fan of Chinese food. Not a fan of the side effects, obviously. However, I've been building my arsenal of homemade Chinese recipes. Thought I would share the delicious Orange Chicken I made yesterday. Once of my co-workers shared the recipe, and I tweaked it, but of course!!!

Orange Chicken

1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup rice vinegar (or white vinegar)
Juice from 1/2 orange
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 1/2 tbsp soy sauce
1 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp chopped green onion, AKA scallions
3/4 tsp fresh grated ginger root
4 cloves garlic, minced
Orange zest from one medium sized orange
Olive oil
1 cup flour
1 tsp salt
4 boneless chicken breasts
3 tbsp cornstarch
2 tbsp water

Toss the water, vinegar, orange juice, lemon juice, soy sauce, brown sugar, green onion, garlic, ginger and orange zest into a saucepan. Bring to a boil, then remove from heat and allow to cool.

Put flour and salt into a ziploc bag. I like to add a smidge of garlic powder too. Clean up the chicken, and cut into cubes. Toss chicken into bag, seal, and throw it around to coat the pieces.

Add olive oil to a large saute pan over medium high heat. I don't measure my olive oil- just use enough so the pan is coated. Put half of the chicken in the pan, brown on all sides, and once it is cooked through move to plate. Repeat with the rest of the chicken.

OK this part is important- put your 2 tbsp water and 3 tbsp cornstarch in a small bowl and stir well. If you teach preschool, resist the urge to add more cornstarch and play with the goop. Bring your sauce back to a boil over medium high heat. Once it's boiling stir in the cornstarch mixture and reduce to medium low heat, simmering. Stir occasionally until it's thickened, about five minutes. Toss in your chicken and let it chillax on low for about four minutes- really, just until the chicken has re-warmed. Eat over rice, or noodles, or straight out of the pan, if you're famished already.

I love it, the kids love it, my parents love it- a winning dish. Leftovers taste even better!!!!!

Crab Ran-yummmmmmy

Chinese food is delicious. It also causes my fingers and feet to swell like a nine month pregnant woman in a sauna. The salt! It's brutal. It's also too expensive, and typically works like a freaking laxative. I've mastered the at home, healthier versions of my favorites, like honey garlic chicken, lo mein, and fried rice (mine is way yummier FYI). Finally though, I have struck on crab rangoon genius. It's not gummy, not deep fried greasy, and so freaking good!!!

Crab Rangoon

Package of wonton wrappers
Block of cream cheese (I actually usually use two blocks- I love scallions and usually use three so I feel like I need more cream cheese in the bowl- if you do use two, double the soy sauce, worcestershire (or oyster) and use 3 tsp. of sugar as opposed to two)
Can of crab meat- the cheapie ones are fine!
2 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp worcestershire sauce (or oyster sauce)
4 cloves fresh garlic, minced
2 scallions, finely chopped
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp celery seed
1 tsp celery salt
Cooking spray, like Pam

Preheat the oven to 350. Most recipes say 425 but it's just too hot! The got all black on the corners way before the center was warm. Tried 375- still too burn-y. 350 works much better.

Filling: Combine all the ingredients except the wonton wrappers and cooking spray in a bowl. I use my hands sometimes, but a fork does the trick.

Spray a baking sheet with the Pam. Work with just two or three wonton wrappers at a time, as they get really dried out. I moisten a paper towel to lay over the ones I am not yet working with. Put a teaspoon (the eating kind of teaspoon, not the measuring kind!) in the center of your wonton. Use your finger to moisten the edges with water. I just keep a small bowl of water next to me. Fold over into a triangle and press down the sides, sealing as well as you can. I like to then fold over the corners so they look like little envelopes- less chance of burning!! Place on baking sheet and spritz top with Pam. Continue until your filling is gone- I get about 24. Bake until golden brown and drool worthy- mine take about 9-11 minutes.

These are delicious- but aren't the almost sweet, gummy ones you get a Chinese take away places. If you like that flavor, add a teaspoon of sugar to the mixture. However, the garlic adds a lovely spice to these, and they are well loved by adults AND my picky a** kids!!!! Calorically, the wonton wrappers have 18 calories each, the seasonings none, the spray, none. The crab is low cal- so it's really just the cream cheese- and you can use one of those fancy Greek yogurt cream cheeses, or the reduced fat ones. Either way, you're not destroying your day of healthy(ish) eating!

On standardized testing and other acts of ridiculousness...

I am sure many of you will read this post and think I have lost my marbles. That I have clearly opened my mouth and inserted my foot fully, all the way to the ankle, in it. Well, tough cookies. I am a TEACHER. What I do is TEACH. I don't prepare kids for a test. Nope. Sorry. Not me. I TEACH CHILDREN. It's MCAS week here in the fine old state of MA, which is all fine and dandy. I encourage my kiddos to do their best, but inside I really want to tell them to use the bubbles to draw pictures. I will never say that, because, frankly, I enjoy having a job. Let me preface this further discussion by saying that I teach children that are all on IEP's. For some reason or another, they require specially designed instruction in order to access the curriculum. Wahoo!!!! Recognition that not all learners do it the same way! As a parent, I feel like this is common sense- my two boys don't learn things the same way, and they are genetically related. Why on earth would I expect totally non-identical, non-cloned humans to be any different? That's just the way we teach them, obviously. MCAS is a fine little test administered by the state- it is meant to ensure that students earning a diploma have reached a certain level of competence. OK, fine. However, I'm a smart gal. I have a master's degree, and a bachelors, from some damn good schools. I graduated from high school- and amazingly, I didn't have a bubble test tell me I was worthy of graduation. Oddly enough, they relied on my TEACHERS to determine my abilities. You know, those people you entrust your children to for thirteen years? The people qualified and trained to foster academic excellence? Yup, amazingly, if you fulfilled course requirements, earned your credits, and didn't have overdue library books, you got to GRADUATE!!!! Crazy, ain't it??? Now we need these fancy schmancy tests to tell teachers, parents, and students, whether they "earn" a diploma. Can I just, at the risk of sounding both crass and judgmental, call BULLSHIT? The trust that was once placed in public education is severely waning- by both the government and families- if we need a one size fits all test to determine ability, it is essentially saying that there is no trust in educators, administrators, curriculum specialists, and the like- they CERTAINLY can't determine whether or not children have acquired the necessary knowledge- let's have this test do it. How sad that we are at that point. SAT's and GRE's and MCAT's and LSAT's are different in my eyes- people choose to take these tests, because it helps them achieve their goals. I get that. I encourage them. I am one of them- and am so lucky that I am actually good at all that bubbling. I take some sick pleasure in filling the bubbles fully and with varying shades of number two pencil. Even so, as an educator, I am incredibly thankful that I do work with an outstanding group of students- and that their value and knowledge amounts to so much more in my eyes, than a score. Yes, my students take MCAS. Some pass, some fail. For my curriculum planning, even the failures aren't that helpful. Sure, it could tell me that student X can't use semicolons appropriately- but I ALREADY KNEW THAT. See, I'm working with my kids, every day. I know what they can do and not do. I know if student Y can't multiply, or student Z can't formulate strong topic sentences. I know because I am involved. I know because I care. I know because I don't expect every learner to be the same. Truly great teacher know this, and use their creativity and chutzpah to help their students succeed, and learn those skills. I work with some absolutely amazing teachers- their ability to help kids learn floors me- and I am thankful every single day that I get to work with them. That said, I'm scared out of my mind. I have two kids. They are little. Like, way little. I don't want them to even think about MCAS or PARCC. I want them to enjoy learning, and explore the world with their teachers. I don't want to be sending in notes of encouragement on MCAS day, at the suggestion of the school. I want them to actually LEARN. To be excited about what each day will bring.

And to never, ever, need a freaking number two pencil. My boys are so much more than a test.

I'm Irish, damnit! I SWEAR!!!

Look at me go. Two posts in one day! Today I learned that I am 1/4 Irish, so I feel that it is my duty, as an Irish lass, to share a recipe for corned beef sliders. You know, since five million of them don't already exist. That said, here it is.

Corned Beef

Slab O'Raw corned beef

2 onions, chopped into hunks

4 carrots, chopped

4 stalks celery, chopped

2 bottles of good beer (I know- this alone might cause my Irish Card to expire)

3 tsp pickling spice

1 tbsp dill

4 tbsp mustard

Whisk the beer and the mustard together. Toss the veggies in the crockpot. Throw slab o'raw corned beef in. Sprinkle pickling spice and dill over beef. Top with beer/mustard mix. Cook on low for approximately two hours per pound. Mine was 3 pounds, and was fine after five hours- keep an eye on it. Eat. Sing "Oh Danny Boy" while doing an Irish jig. If you are tone deaf, make sliders with horseradish jicama slaw. 

Slaw

Bag of shredded cabbage/slaw mix (you can chop your own too- make sure to get some carrots in there

Small onion, chopped finely

Jicama, shredded or chopped finely

1 cup (approximately) apple cider vinegar

1 tbsp celery seed

1 tbsp dill 

2 tsp ground mustard seed OR 2 tbsp mustard

2 tbsp sugar

1/2 cup mayonnaise (or more or less- it's a taste thing)

Prepared horseradish (I prefer the white- I'm not giving an amount because it's really up to your taste!)

Whisk together the wet ingredients and the seasonings. Add sugar, whisk some more. Taste. Too creamy or sweet? Add a smidge more apple cider vinegar. Too tart? Add a smidge more sugar. Repeat until you like it. Add a small amount of horseradish at a time, whisking and tasting. When it's super yummy, toss in your onion, cabbage, and jicama. Coat well and refrigerate for at least three hours. You can eat it right away, but the flavors need some time to come together for optimal results. 

Shove corned beef and slaw into little rolls- or big rolls. I don't judge. Eat. Dance jig. Repeat.

Happy Healthy Chicken Nuggets

OK, it's been FOREVER since I posted. Forgive me- it's still winter here in Massachusetts and as a result everything sucks. My dirty floors suck. My folded laundry waiting to be put away sucks. My cranky children aching for outside time kind of suck (I can never say my kids suck- they are wonderful and lovely and I adore them). However, the kitchen wars wage on- still cooking, and baking, and creating. I made these yum yum nuggets the other night, in a big batch, and have frozen them for school lunches- even though I currently only have ONE child who tolerates the sight of chicken. They are messy but easy to make!

Happy Healthy Nuggies

5 chicken breasts, trimmed of fat and cubed (on the chicken- I buy club packs and do this to all fifteen chicken breasts- and freeze them in three batches- that way I can just pull one to make Chinese food, etc. If you do this, thaw thoroughly)
2 cups flour
2 cups seasoned breadcrumbs
5 eggs
2 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper (if you like it- I do not!!!)
2 tbsp mustard
1 tsp onion powder

You need three bowls- one with the flour, salt, garlic powder, and onion powder. Blend. The second bowl is your five eggs and the mustard. Whisk well. The third bowl has your seasoned breadcrumbs. Make sure you have a baking sheet ready with racks. I use cookie cooling racks on just a baking sheet. Coat with cooking spray. Chicken goes into the flour- coat thoroughly. Drop in the egg, coating fully. Then to the breadcrumbs- get them nice and covered- then pop them onto the rack/pan thingamajig. Repeat. It's messy. Not hard though! After your chicken is all done and on the rack, spray with cooking spray on all sides- just rotate them a bit and make sure they've gotten spritzed. Bake in a 425 degree oven for 14-17 minutes. Mine were rather large so it took us 18 minutes. To check for doneness, I pulled the largest one off and cut into it. No pink? Happy chicken.

If you are going to freeze these, allow them to cool completely before packaging for the freezer.

They are so stinking good. I use them for chicken and waffles (with maple mustard) and just regular nuggets with "cheput" AKA ketchup. The DON'T work, however, in a sauteed recipe, like honey garlic chicken. The breading falls off and gets yucky.

You can also use Panko breadcrumbs, but they need to be seasoned well- try paprika, garlic, oregano, curry- anything your heart desires. You can also make these completely organic by using organic ingredients, obvi.

Maple Mustard Dipping Sauce

1/4 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup mustard (yellow works fine- I use a mix of yellow and brown)
 2 tsp vinegar (I like the apple cider personally)

Whisk it all together. It's yummy. To reheat, DON'T microwave. I do mine in the toaster oven for about 10 minutes (if frozen), but you can use an oven too.

Repeat after me...they will get older...

So it's ANOTHER snow day in the northeast, and a bunch of other places too. I have two boys, ages two and four. Snow days are WAY different now. My kids love school. I have to be prepared for the 30+ minute tantrum upon learning we aren't going to "our" schools today- as a teacher, my kids know we all go to school every day. OK, I survived that tantrum. Some breakfast, some train track building, a little playdoh, and it was outside we go. Big boy was BEGGING as was the little. Well, until I actually had them in seventeen hundred layers and opened the garage door- our garage is the ONLY point of exit when it snows, because there is no effing way I am shoveling the front walk and stairs when no one actually comes here other than me, in the car, through the garage. The boys stared at the six or so inches of snow, and Mr. M says, "Mommmmmmeeeeee, can't we move to FLORIDA? This is GROSS." Well buddy, I agree, but I do have a job here, and a house, and a life. Got them into the snow on their 'sleighs'. They were happy for fifteen seconds. Whining, crying, misery. About to go back inside but then they saw "Nana" Hannah next door, shoveling. Well, shovels are fun. Away we went. M proved to be a pretty good shoveler but J only made it three passes before he split his lip open on the shovel handle. Inside with Pepe he went. M lasted another four passes before we all went in. Mac and cheese, some bananas, and a few peanut butter cups later, it was time to venture the twenty feet or so home. It should have been SO EASY. Snort. Yeah right. All of a sudden M's boots didn't fit- he came home with ziploc bags duct taped around his ankles. J wouldn't allow his feet to even touch the snow. So I have two sleds, with more mac and cheese, a few toy cars, and M's suddenly too small boots, on them. Add a four year old NOT listening on where to walk? Yeah, it was a total disaster. Fifteen minutes later we got to our garage. J is crying, M is crying, Mommy is crying. Fast forward- no naps for the boys, but some quiet time, when Mommy snoozed for about twenty minutes during Caillou. By then, the plow had been here. Time to shovel. My driveway isn't conducive to plowing- I still have a three foot swath that has to be shoveled so I can get out- usually I do that first, and the plow guy pushes that snow along with the rest. Not today- Mr. Plow Guy was WAY too on the ball. The boys were playing cars and watching "Spica Me" (Despicable Me) so I figured I had seven minutes. I was FAST. It got done.

And then I came upstairs. To a snowman. In the family room. The slider was WIDE open. "But mommy, you said it was too cold to play in the snow OUTSIDE. See, now the snow is INSIDE!". Heaven help us. *#&%*#^$#^%Q@&)(@

One day, they will get older, and snow days will be fun again...

Baby, it's cold outside...

So I took my boys to see Frozen the other day- they loved it, and so did I- but I wonder whether or not Disney had some magic eight ball to foretell this damn polar vortex freezing misery??? Mr. M said to me after the movie "If love makes the world warm again why are we so cold? I love you and brudder (brother)". Sorry, bucko. Doesn't work that way, at least not in MA. That's ok, I could be like some of my fellow teachers who are bunkered down in their schools in Georgia with hundreds of their students because the busses couldn't get them home- raiding the cafeteria to make meals for the kids and all of the stranded staff. Poor South. It sucks.

That said, I whipped up some yummy honey garlic chicken with lo mein tonight and it was just perfect.  Easy too! I used a premade sweet and sour sauce for the chicken, and added some stuff.

Chinese Style Chicken

3 chicken breasts, cut into chunks
cornstarch
1/4 cup oil
1 bottle sweet and sour or other Asian saute sauce
1/2 tsp garlic powder
3 tbsp soy sauce
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup vinegar- rice wine or white

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Toss oil in saute pan over medium heat, and allow to heat up. Brown chicken in pan then put in 9 x 13 baking dish. Stir in sauce, garlic powder, honey, soy sauce, and vinegar. Make sure pieces are coated. Bake for 1 hour, tossing chicken every 15 minutes. Eat. Super delicious- not fried- but really, really tender.

Eat, then repeat. My kids even eat this. Understatement- they SCARF it. If you don't have a bottle of sweet and sour sauce, use ketchup with the rest of the ingredients (about 3/4 cups) and up the honey to 1/3 cup. You can also toss some sesame seeds over the finished product.

Eat warm.

I just don't know how she does it...

How many times have you thought that? I just don't know how she...homeschools- works- bakes- cleans- runs- showers? The fact of the matter is that we all think that at some point. I look at some of my friends and am consumed with jealousy- they're freaking adorable. Hair done. I think- "I just don't know how she looks so pulled together". At the same time, she is wondering the same thing about another mama- "I just don't know how she always has fresh baked bread- I can barely make chicken nuggets". The real message here is that we are all incredulous. Being a mom is no easy task- there is the provision of regular daily needs- food, water, etc. I got that DOWN. Then there is the other stuff. I don't give a flying rats behind if my floor is sparkling- I'd rather make cookies with my kidlets. Yet another mama is willing to have clean laundry folded and put away, but hasn't had a good shower in weeks. It just doesn't matter. We can work harder, sleep less, craft more, eat less, run more- and we still might not be happy. No one person can get it all done, while raising happy, healthy, loving children. We've got to just let it go. Hell, I am doing a 5K in four months and the farthest I have run EVER is to the end of the driveway to catch an escapee toddler. You know what? That's ok. I don't NEED to be fastest. I don't need to WIN. I need to have fun with my friends. I want to enjoy my life. I'll find the strength I need in the moments I so desperately need it. You get to a point where you just have to trust the universe. Second guessing your choices isn't worth it. Playing the comparison game isn't worth it (mainly because you WILL. ALWAYS. LOSE). It's time for women, and mamas in particular, to just recognize that no one person can do it all. Women are stronger than freaking donkeys after all- we can just get shit done. However, when we don't, it doesn't mean we have failed.

It only means we are still trying, and tomorrow is a new day.

Cookie Half-Assed Tutorial

OK, so this isn't actually a tutorial, because I don't have any pictures. However, making super fancy decorated cookies isn't as hard as it looks. Instead of emailing twelve different people what they need, I figured I would just write a blog post. I am trying to figure out the best way to put together a tutorial, too.

You need certain things to make beautiful iced cookies. Step one- buy all this crap. The links are all Amazon, but you can get the stuff elsewhere. I snagged some Kuhn Rikon at Sur La Table super clearance, and they sometimes have them at Marshalls/TJ's etc. Meringue powder is carried in Walmart, A.C. Moore, Michael's, and most grocery stores have it- perhaps under the name powdered egg whites. Icing color you can get again at Walmart, craft stores, etc. I like just getting a full set so I am ready for anything- I will occasionally snag extra red from Wilton, in the little tub. Tub colorant is a PITA though, because it dyes your hands, and you have to use a toothpick to scoop it out. A little goes a long way, UNLESS it's red. Be red-y (hahaha) to use a whole bottle!

Kuhn Rikon Decorating Bottles
Meringue Powder
Icing colorant
Toothpicks
Confectioner's Sugar
Cookies- I use sugar cookie cutouts, and yes, most of the time I use a mix. I collect cookie cutters so I have tons, but if I see a cute one I grab it. I order specific shapes for special events- I just ordered a daisy and wedding dress to use for a shower I am throwing later this spring.

See, now that was easy? That's what you need...recipe below for the royal icing (which I make by the pound and just keep in the fridge)

Royal Icing

Really, you need a stand mixer. If you don't have one, borrow one, or you can use a hand mixer. Add the whipping attachment.

Heaping tablespoon of meringue powder
Confectioner's sugar (I start with half a bag)
1 cup water (which you add VERY slowly. A little goes a long way!!!!)
1 tsp extract- I usually use almond or vanilla, but mint sometimes, and lemon in the summer.

Put sugar and meringue powder in bowl. Add extract and about 1/4 cup water. Turn on mixer and gradually add water until fully mixed. Frosting should be glossy white and fairly stiff. If it is too powdery, add a smidge of water at a time. If it's too watery, add more sugar. When it's fully beaten, you can lift the whippy thingy and peaks will remain but aren't super stiff. That's the perfect consistency. When you add color, that's when you can thin with a touch of water for flooding, or add a touch of sugar for piping names or small details.

Got it? That's all you do, for the first step. Yeah, go bake your cookies too. It's fine if the dough is a touch thicker, and for the love of Adam DON'T OVERBAKE. My cookies bake for 6 1/2 minutes at 350- but that's my thickness, my cookie recipe. They should be lightly golden brown on the bottom but not browned on the top! If you are using a mix, add about a tablespoon of flour to the mix so that it is stiffer. Never try to roll out room temperature dough either- pop that stuff in the fridge for at least an hour to firm up.

I promise I'll cover the decorating itself in the next post- I need to get some pictures because it's not super easy to explain...