The past 11 months have been weird. I've been going through a divorce, and haven't wanted to really discuss it on any social media, or whatnot. My friends have known, obviously, and my family. The support I have received has been amazing. Nothing short of spectacular. However, as I stood in a courtroom today and dealt with a "trainee" judge I will freely admit that I almost passed out cold. My lawyer, ever the G, noticed and grabbed my arm to keep me upright. It's not new that my marriage was failing- but what struck me today was that it truly failed. I failed. He failed. We both were ready for a new tomorrow. And that was OK. It's OK to move on. It's OK to encounter a myriad of emotions. It's OK to want to burst into tears and cackle with hysterical laughter in the same moment. What hasn't failed? My love and concern for my kids. My need to provide for them now, and for the rest of their lives. My ability to understand that just because their father and I can't be married doesn't condemn them to a fatherless life. Whatever the next step is, I am ready.
I am ready because I had support. A great lawyer. Self-realization that this was the right thing. A family, or true "TEAM" behind me. The inner strength to weather the bad days. And also the ability to look forward. To know that this is just one step in my journey. It's ok. I am ok. My kids are ok. I overuse the work ok, and that is ok.
I am divorced.
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