11 pm

11 pm is not a time you want to hear the phone ring- ever. It's never good news. Unless you are waiting for a baby to be born, perhaps, but other than that? It sucks. Sickness, illness, death. Those are the reasons people call in the middle of the night. Last night my phone rings at 11 pm. I was so shocked I thought it was the TV of course- dragged my ass out of bed and answered, with both trepidation and annoyance in my voice, surely. It was my pediatrician calling with lab results, because of course, that's when pediatricians get back to you. They were totally beating around the bush too. I finally asked why the were calling so late. Pause. Gulp. Well, Shrimp's potassium level was high. 6.3. That's hyperkalemia which is not a good thing- it indicated renal issues, and can also cause arrhythmia- cardiac involvement. Well shit. The pedi said it could be due to hemolysis, but that the lab was insistent it was an accurate level. Off to the ER we went. In the middle of the night. It was like a merry go round getting out of the house- I have never been so focused in my life. Diaper bag, bottle, snowsuit- I even remembered ointment to help pry off any leads that might get stuck on Shrimp- because nobody likes that just-been-waxed by tape feeling. In the car, out the door. They were waiting for us at the valet stand and away we went. Within 20 minutes of the phone ringing, Shrimp was hooked up to an EKG, which thankfully, showed no signs of cardiac distress. At all! Woo! Then they started a line to get blood, and have access in case the hyperkalemia was still indicated after repeat labs. FYI, if your infant ever needs to get stuck you want Rachel. They pulled her in from somewhere and poof! Line in. Shrimp didn't like that AT ALL. Not the stick part, the holding still of the arm part. Really pissed him off. Good thing we had already passed the EKG! Labs were back lickety split, and amazingly, potassium was 5.2. Totally in the normal range. No hyperkalemia! No cardiac issues! No renal failure! I was thrilled until I looked at my now sleeping Shrimp- all taped and gauzed and EKG'd up. This was not going to be pretty. The doc left and said a nurse would be in to detach him from everything. Yeah right. I'm totally not waiting, and if my kid is going to be miserable, it needs to be me doing it. Thank goodness most ED's are set up the same way so it was easy to find the swabs, gauze, and other things one needs to de-hospitalize a person. A little calendula ointment and a swab, leads off. Shrimp's still asleep. Phew. Pulse ox off the toe. Still asleep. Unwrap the arm with the line in it. Still sleeping. Pull the line, stop the bleeding, still sleeping. Into the snowsuit, back in the carseat, still asleep. The nurse coming in and expressing her displeasure that I did her job, as well as strip the linens? Still asleep. Bend over to kiss him lightly on the nose? You guessed it. Woke right up.

Bottom line? I am never going to be that parent that waits for a nurse to do a mom's job. Oh, and the Dunkin' at the corner of Shrewsbury Street and Plantation closes at midnight. Jerks.