I get frustrated, a lot. And as much as I get frustrated, I'm not turning to food. That in and of itself is a major victory! That's not to say that I didn't thoroughly enjoy a Dove Dark Chocolate egg (or two) today. I sure did! It's stress season- MCAS, my school is having it's Department of Elementary and Secondary Ed review this week, my blinker bulb went out, J has surgery next Tuesday, and it's fucking raining like crazy. Gray and miserable!
I got a new scale today from my bestie, Amazon (make sure to shop through smile and donate to awesome places like PLANNED PARENTHOOD), so I promptly checked it out, and compared it to my old, non digital, crap scale. Bad plan. I was heartbroken. New fancy scale had me seven pounds up from old crap one. I may or may not have cried and gotten really pissed off. Then I sat and used my DBT skills- breathed deeply, recognized what I could observe in my surroundings- and got the fuck over it. Old scale may be off, but the loss remains accurate- even if the old starting weight is seven more pounds- I've still lost twenty pounds since February 19th. And that's epic. For me, weight has been an issue since adolescence. For me to lose 20 pounds in less than two months rocks. I know I will fluctuate, and some days it will be a 16 pound loss, and others 21 pounds. And that is OK.
I am changing my eating. I am changing my routines. I am putting more of a priority on exercise (which is still kind of a miniscule emphasis as the weather sucks and my kids are not so keen on the walks). When I don't walk I am at least attempting online workouts. Way more than I used to do!
My meals are still on point- granted, today was staff breakfast and I couldn't say no to the delicious breakfast pizza- I justified it by saying I would be very careful with the other meals. And then I was confronted with rice and cheese quesadillas. I had two pieces. And then had my super healthy lunch. And then thought I was actually dying due to my body saying "WTF???? Why did you give me all these carbs?". After a lot of burping, I felt fine, but I'm still not into dinner. While I didn't make the best choices today in regards to carbs and the lovely, wonderful dark chocolate- I'll still close out the day under my calorie goal.
That has to be ok for today. I can't beat myself up over it. I'm human and I have cravings and they will not just go away over night. The water consumption for me is key- when I have enough water, I don't struggle as much- but with MCAS, needing to go pee is a problem!
One thing that really helps keep me on track? Cooking. Seems counterintuitive, but for every batch of awesome veggies I make, I feel stronger. Today, it was spaghetti squash and I have curry cauliflower in the oven as we speak. Having healthy stuff at the ready makes it easier. Getting ready to chop like crazy and prep my CILANTRO FREE pico de gallo for the crab salsa. These foods make me happy, and are healthy, so I am excited to prepare them.
And really? Twenty pounds is no joke. I haven't dropped a size (but I can tighten my bra to the most tight option) and I am doing it. And will persist. September 22, 2018 may be far away- but I'm going to use that time to bust ass and be fierce.
20 pounds is great, congratulations! You're doing so well! I lost about 45 lbs over two years and then I gained 10 back, which freaks me out. I'm trying to get myself into the mindset and lose some weight again. Not every day works as I'd like it too. One of my strategies is to diet Sunday to Friday, then Friday night and Saturday all day I just eat kind of whatever I want, whatever I had been craving during the rest of the week, and although I try not to overdo it, I don't count calories. I think that kept me sane—the perspective of a day or two at the end of the week when I don't punish myself anymore, you know? I think for long term weight loss plans, something like that is needed, some sort of allowed indulgence once in a while won't revert all the hard work, right?
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