Some Mother's Day Tips for the Daddies

Yay! This past Sunday was Mother's Day! My day was lovely, but in general, there are some daddies in the world that might need a little coaching. I know there are moms out there that logged onto Facebook Sunday and were mighty jealous of some of the pampering and awesomeness that their friends were experiencing. It's ok. It happens.

So in that vein-
ATTENTION ALL DADDIES!

Mother's Day is a big f'ing deal. Do not even TRY to do the following:

• Take your wife to any event that involves your mother. Spending time with the mother in law is lovely, but she's not your wife's mother. Got it? Spoil your mom. Send her flowers. Take her to dinner. SATURDAY. Not Sunday.
• Play it by ear. Nope. Sorry, plan ahead. Reservations, flowers, cards. These need to be evident immediately upon waking, especially if sleeping in and breakfast in bed are not on the docket. Got it?
• Pretend that you will take over all household & childcare duties for the entire day. It's just impossible, and if your wife is anything like me (a slight control freak, but just slightly) that would just make her insane, because you are probably doing it wrong. The kids would be fine, of course, but perhaps covered in glue.

Assume that the handmade gifts the children produced in school/daycare/Sunday School will suffice. Nope. You still have to have something at the ready. Get out your glue gun. You can do it.

Now, with gifts you need to be savvy. Jewelry is great (as long as it's not ass ugly) and flowers a super bonus.

GOOD: Flowers, card, breakfast in bed, and a gift certificate for a massage/manicure/pedicure
BETTER: All of the above plus precious gems. Preferably diamonds. Or the kids' birthstones. Mommies eat that up.
BEST: Collaborate with the other daddies, and rent your wife and her mama friends a limo and send them to a winery.

Mmmkay?