Under Pressure

Under Pressure- it's a great song all right, but it's a crap way to live. That's the way I feel a lot of moms feel in this day and age though. There have been some very public moms struggling with substance abuse and the like (have you read Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay? Indeed, they are not- but the author famously struggled with alcoholism and is in recovery). Katie Couric recently spotlighted moms with these struggles and it was well done. It's amazing how quickly we can so oh my goodness how could that happen? and then turn around and pour a glass of merlot. Yes, alcoholism is a real problem for millions of people every day. Moms are definitely a subset of them.

Me? No. Do I enjoy a glass of wine? OF COURSE. Have you met me? Yes, yes I do. But there is a real difference. I enjoy a glass (or two- or in a few instances, three) when I am with my husband. Or with my parents. I could never justify that when I am ALONE with the children. Alcohol impairs your judgement. What if a child fell and needed to go to the hospital? What if there was an emergency? You can't take those risks as a parent, and honestly, as a mom. That said, I'm not at all surprised. Being a mom is incredibly lonely. You can have tons of friends and a lively social circle, but that doesn't matter when it's 4 am and you woke up to unload the dishwasher and pack lunches. Where are your friends at 7 pm when you are exhausted and mentally drained from the day? Um, they are in their houses doing the same thing you are. Kids need structure and routine. And yes, they need it in their own house. That's the part of mothering that is so isolating. It doesn't matter what kind of a situation you are in- single, lesbian, divorced, married happily- it is impossible to truly have a balance. It's the moms that kids cry out for in the middle of the night when they pee through their jammies- it's the moms that little ones scream for at the slightest inkling of sibling discord. It's certainly not saying that daddies aren't important, but they aren't the central figure of small children's lives, for the most part. Obviously, there are situations where this is blatantly not the fact. However, in my world, and that of most of my contemporaries, it's not the way it rolls. And that, my friend, is a lot of freaking pressure. We can pretend that it doesn't matter how clean our house is, that we are busy making memories, but it does. I think every mom gets down on herself at some point or another. Me? My laundry is clean but stacked in various places around the house. My work stays at work for the most part, but I am on the ball every minute I am in work, and sometimes it isn't enough. My floors are sticky, but it makes me INSANE. (ok, right now they aren't. We spilled juice so they are squeaking clean at the moment out of necessity.) Yeah, it's not easy being green a mom. That's why it's so very important to have sisters alongside of us. Whether in real life, or on line. Maybe it's an hour of therapy a week, or an hour a year. A pedicure every six months. We NEED those few stolen moments for ourselves. The silence that is still constantly interrupted by the phone, or niggling worries about our spawn. That's enough sometimes. When it isn't? Yeah, a glass of wine is great. Or a cheesy pizza. Or a birthday cake Oreo. Everyone has something. And it's really important that it isn't one thing to excess. That's when moms run into trouble.

And when that happens? We can't judge, we can just love them for being human. We're ALL under pressure, and it's the best, and worst, place to be. Wouldn't trade it for the world, but some days, it really just sucks. And that's ok. It doesn't make us less as mothers. It makes us normal.