Awesomesauce, and the like...

OK, so I am not completely callous. I am ridiculously thankful for SO much my heart is full to nearly bursting. I am a smidge of a Turkey Day grinch, but I still have a lot of love to give.

So, my yearly "I am thankful for..." list....

1. My dishwasher
2. Meringue powder
3. Delicata squash
4. Curious Kids Childcare
5. My job, at the lovely AVCAS
6. Disney World
7. Wegman's
8. Market Basket
9. My mama gals, the lovely rockin' and shockin'
10. ACM- she's always real, and I love that.
11. Hamilton College- both for the friends it brought me and the doors it opened! Couldn't imagine life right now without my Sara, Quinn, and Ginger.
12. My lawyer
13. 6 Coolidge Circle- for the cozy life I lead here with my boys and for giving me
14. Hannah and Dick next door, AKA Nanny Hanny and Pepe- yes, she hates that it's not "Nana Hannah" but hell, I have little boys- we don't say really anything correctly- the boys adore them, and I ADORE speaking to an adult regularly.
15. Cape May, NJ- just go there. You'll understand.
16. My sense of humor- you have to laugh at yourself or else you are utterly SCREWED.
17. My mom- she's the reason I am who I am. And if I wasn't who I am today, I totally would have failed at life.
18. Being a Baer. We rock. GO TEAM BAER!
19. JB. Because he's JB. No explanation needed.
20. New friends who I feel like have known me for YEARS. Even though she drinks beet juice and is a GASP runner.
21. Messages like this...from a dear friend, who I don't see enough, but who knows my core..."you are one of the fiercest women I know. I can tell how hard things have become but I know you'll come 
through with grace and style." BAHAHA I have everyone fooled! No style here!!!

See? Not a total grinch here! What makes your life most wonderful? Think about it- and then tell them...

Yes, I am thankful...

And no, I'm not boycotting Turkey day, at least, not completely. I am fully prepared to spend the holiday WITHOUT the two things I am most thankful for- M & J. They will be with their father, and yes, I think I can handle it. And by handle it, I mean cater three family meals, bake countless pies, scrub the house, volunteer, and possibly sit down to a turkey sandwich. I have no dearth of invitations- I am certainly not unwelcome, even if I will be alone, by choice. I will have my Thanksgiving- in a week, with my parents, and that's going to be Thanksgiving. I am not constrained by some stupid calendar.

Screw it, I will make my own dang Thanksgiving. I created life, and therefore, I think I can whip up a holiday any freaking day I want.

Tidings of comfort and joy...

Yes, that's a lyric from a Christmas carol. Yes, I am listening to exclusively Christmas music. And yes, I know it is only November. My house is decked out- the tree is up, the mantle is dressed, the garlands are decorated. AND I AM OK WITH THAT. The rest of the world seems to not be though. Frankly, I don't really care. Christmas makes me happy. I like being happy. My boys like being happy too. Our house smells yummy, and is full of happy sounds. I am that person that started decorating for Halloween in September as well. People can bite me. I like Halloween. Why should we only get to enjoy the decorations for a month? I want more! Same with Christmas. As a child, we left our Christmas tree up and decorated for several years, with no interruption. It was comforting. Sometimes I would plug the lights in and do my homework by twinkly light in March. Honestly, I see no reason to confine the joy of Christmas to just one month- why can't we enjoy it longer? The malls are already decorated, and I love it. People just seem nicer. Granted, the whole crazy holiday shopping scene can bite me- no body has time for that- and that's why we have Amazon Prime. It's not about what you buy or give, but the laughter, family time, lights, and happiness of the holidays. So yeah, my house is blinged out. There is glitter floating through the air.

And I am so ok with that, as it really does bring tidings of comfort and joy.

The New Rules

It's no secret I am getting divorced. What is a secret, is like, ummm, everything else. When you are trying to ensure that your children are cared for, protected, and safe- EVERYTHING is a big, fat, secret. Not really, but you really watch what you say to whom, and when. As a result, I have been the anti-blogger. My inner conversation "OOOOOH that would be a great blog post!!!": "Wait, that is PRIVATE.". Yeah, well, I suck at that. Bottom line, Holden Caulfield had it right- whatever comes out of your mouth is really no longer yours.  Lesson learned. But ANYHOO... I can still write about how freakin' adorable my kids are. Mr. M is in Pre-K 1. That basically means he misses the cut off and will spend a year and a half in Pre-K 2. It's cool, he loves it. My kid is going to be SO ready for actual school by the time he goes- he already tells me he's ready for high school and I should drop him at Algonquin. Ummm, no. You're four. They won't wipe your a&% when you don't make it to the potty in time. Oh, and there is no recess. Or snack. Let's conquer Zeh first. Elementary school is first. That said, my little J-Bird is almost TWO. Scary. He acts like he's 20. He picks up the trash, unloads the dishwasher, alerts me to any "yuckies" that might me around (needless to say he spends half his time shouting "YUCKY").  He's also a light sleeper since his surgery this summer. It's a good thing because he can now HEAR and BREATH. But he also now wakes up. I hear him, of course, because even without a monitor, no mother can actually sleep through "Momm-meeeeee I WET! Momm-meeeeeee I want baba! Momm-meeeeeee I need DAT (referring to the boppy he sleeps with, after I pull it out of the crib because I am SURE he would suffocate himself) Momm-meeeeeee bum bum YUCKY".  Seriously. My two year old wakes up, and wakes me up, to alert me of his needs. Bum bum yucky translates, of course, to a poop. Yeah, buddy, deal with it. But no. His "bum bumm YUCKY" and he needs a change NOW. That said, once I actually meet his needs, he shouts "bye bye mama I go baba night night."

Thanks kid. I wasn't sure what to do at two in the morning, other than go night night. Freshie.

On the eve of my 35 birthday...

OK, so maybe it's birthday eve eve, but really, who's counting? I will be thirty-five on Sunday. 35. An age I couldn't even conceptualize as a teenager, and here I am. As I was applying my spackle concealer today I thought "Wow, I never thought I would actually NEED to use concealer". As a list girl, this quickly grew into a list.

Realities that I Never Thought Would Actually Be My Life at 35

I would require concealer to make up for lost sleep.
I would actually be losing sleep.
I would choose being awake in the middle of the night OVER sleep because the house is SO. DAMN. QUIET.
I would go weeks without eating meat.
I would be single.
I would be so tired of "me" time- I love me. I love my time. Kind of over it.
I would be able to crochet a blanket that isn't hideous.
I would be able to actually make a meal with one hand.
I would still sit in the comfy blue chair with unidentified muck on it.
I would have TWO BOYS. Girls, yes. Boys? Uh uh.
I would LOVE having two boys.
I would actually consider ten more minutes of sleep in the morning a bonanza.
That sleeping in is staying in bed until after seven.
I would pack lunches at 5 in the morning and still be able to peel an apple.
I would spend more on babysitters than my haircolor.
I would abandon regular hair color.


There are so many other things, that I am sure will strike me as I stare down middle aged Saturday at midnight...

Fall Flavors Mac and Cheese

So I made a blog on wordpress, for my Mama Bee Kitchen Coaching. Well, it's a PITA. I can't even handle it. I don't know how to share ANYTHING. So I'll force my regular old blog to shift into food world. This recipe is fantastic. Yes, it's finally fall! You might not be thrilled about the cooler temperatures, but I am ecstatic. I LOVE FALL FLAVORS! This hearty mac and cheese captures them all perfectly.

1 lb of small pasta of your choice (I like cavatappi but regular elbow macaroni is fine too!)
3/4 lb sweet Italian sausage browned and drained
1 15 oz can of pumpkin puree
1 cup whipping cream
5 oz fontina cheese
1 cup shredded cheddar
1 cup milk
2 tbsp flour
2 tbsp butter
1 tsp salk
1 tsp pepper
1 tbsp fresh sage or 2 tbsp dried sage
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp cinnamon
1 cup breadcrumbs
i cup parmesan cheese
olive oil
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook and drain pasta while you cook the sausage.  In a small bowl, combine the breadcrumbs, parmesan, and enough olive oil to make the mixture crumbly. Set aside. In a medium sauce pan melt butter over medium heat. Add cream and milk and bring to a slow simmer. Add fontina and whisk to melt. Toss shredded cheese with flour in a small bowl until coated. Whisk into cheese mixture. Add pumpkin, nutmeg, cinnamon, and sage. Whisk until smooth and remove from heat. Add sauce and sausage to pasta and mix well. Pour into a buttered baking dish and top with breadcrumb mixture. Pop it in the over for about 25 minutes until golden brown and bubbly. Let sit for ten minutes before serving.

Back, back again (minus yucky twerking)

Yeah, I didn't watch the VMA's, but apparently the Backstreet Boys did some whole reunion thing, so hence the "back, back again" reference. Apparently some Disney chick was grossly inappropriate in her twerking as well. That's ok. I actually had to google "VMA" when I saw it on my newsfeed. I felt like an idiot, but at least then I could recall what it was. Anyhoo, I digress. I haven't wanted to do anything- blog, paint, sew, craft, nor glitter. Nada. Nothing but cook with lots of onions, because then it's socially acceptable to bawl like a baby. Today, however, I felt an inkling of myself. We went to the infamous indoor playground where I always wind up with blog fodder. Today was no different. It's Labor Day- schools are closed, and we had roving thunderstorms plus 99% humidity. Um, yes. Give me indoor air conditioned play. I always get there at the ass crack when it's empty, so it was great. As it started to get crazy, there were lines for some popular attractions, like the massive blow up slide. NBD. Waiting for your turn is a good lesson for everyone (including the parents). There was a young man who ADORED the slide. He would get to the bottom and keep jumping there like it was a bounce house. Sorry buddy, that's ten feet to the left.  He wouldn't exit, but would try to bust back up the ladder to do it again. Sure, that's cool when you own the place, but with ten to twenty kids waiting, that doesn't work. The mom was right there- plus ten points for her (minus 100 for the twits sitting with headphones on ignoring their WAY too old children knocking over countless toddlers- it's cool they eventually got banished by the staff) but she was just smiling and motioning no with a wagging finger. I am sorry, if my kid is getting reprimanded by staff manning an attraction, and making countless sweating, miserable parents scowl even more, I would haul my fat ass up on the slide and pull him off. Turn taking SUCKS- but it's a life lesson. This wasn't like with a toy he wouldn't hand over either- every time he wouldn't vacate the bottom of the slide others were waiting, and some were put at risk by crashing into him as he would move but jump back directly into their path. I finally decided to try my "oh isn't it so hard teaching kids turn taking wise mama" commiseration with her. The first thing she said was, "My son has struggles. Waiting is so hard for him". Ok, I took the bait. (please note- I have done diagnostics in special education for more than ten years- if this kid had any diagnosis it was entitled syndrome- y'know, mom afraid of making a scene? If there was any serious question as to his abilities I NEVER would have said anything) I asked her what his diagnosis was. She said, "oh, he just struggles to wait for what he wants". My response- stone cold- "hunh, so he's four. Like every other kid here waiting his turn." It was probably a bit passive aggressive but seriously, I don't want to be the wake up call for this kid when he waltzes in MY classroom. Never mind the gaggle of children that were there with their one to one aids using alternative communication and struggling A LOT to wait their turn- sorry lady, no pity. Grow a pair and make him wait. NO ONE wants their kid to have a melt down in public, of course. Have I hauled one or more boys out of somewhere kicking and screaming? Oh hell yes I have. Did I get plenty of OHEMGEE DO WE NEED TO CALL DCF stares? Of course. Then there would be the few parents with the shadow clap.

Y'know- the "thanks for actually teaching your kids the world doesn't revolve around them" silent clap. That wink, that nod. OK fine, so maybe it's not usually the waiters responding like that- but the other parents, yeah, they get that. They're also more likely to bring out my leftovers when I drop them on the way.