Self-Care

Self-care is so important- that might not be a term you're accustomed to, but we use it a lot in my work. It means taking time to take care of YOU- your body, your emotions, your spirit. It's different for every human. For some, it may be going to church, or going for a run, or shopping. We take so much time to encourage our students to engage in self-care- and yet, for many of us adults, we let it slide.

If you're a mom, it's really an area that we push to the side- our focus is so much on our kids and spouse. Sports, homework, laundry, packing lunches. Kisses, and ferrying kids this way and that.

For single moms, it's even more pushed down on the priority list. When kiddos might be with our ex partners- we're grocery shopping, cleaning, doing laundry- because when the kiddos are with us we're very focused on meeting their needs and getting extra love in. It's the few minutes of quiet to listen to a podcast, or catch up on Salvage Dogs, or Grey's Anatomy.

And yet, it needs to move up the list. I've been a cranky witch for the last two weeks with DST- my oldest is struggling with sleep, work has been a bit wonky pants. It's been stressful with a capital S.
So I went all renegade and decided I needed a week of self care.

With me, that looked like making dinners that I enjoyed, and weren't necessarily kid friendly- I mean, I have cereal. They aren't going to starve.

Overlooking the fact that my kitchen floor desperately needs a good "hands and knees" scrub.

Having the groceries delivered even though I am perfectly capable of going to the market with the boys (and who am I kidding- this is a VERY regular part of my self care)

Finding a hair stylist that comes to my house, colors my hair, colors M's hair, and does cuts for us all. (FINE that was last week!)

Getting a fantastic massage (again, by someone that came to my house) that left me feeling freaking amazing. Like a gladiator- my neck doesn't hurt, my jaw is loosey goosey again (I'm a grinder), and my IT band got the release it was so desperately seeking.

Letting go of my perceptions of packed lunches and just making sandwiches for each kid.

Making reservations to have dinner with a friend, sans children.

Whatever your self care is, get on it. You need it, mama. And if you say you don't, you probably need it, more than you know.

Snow Days and Cleaning? Or is that wheezing?

I love me a snow day! We got a good ten inches of true snowball snow overnight so therefore it's our first snow day of the 18/19 school year! AND they called it last night so there was a general woo-hoo atmosphere in our house. The kids played outside for three hours (there are so many Nerf darts in the snow and on the roof!).

They were in their glory!!! I took advantage of the quiet inside to do some meal prep. Roasted corn and jalapeno grits, oven roasted squash, chicken and apple sausage, and packaged up the turkey lasagna I made Saturday. 

So a damn good start to the day. I went to get toilet paper from the cabinets in the laundry room and found a bottle of Clorox Clean Up (but not the kind with bleach- I can't be anywhere near bleach after the chemical airway burns I dealt with last winter- all because I wanted clean grout on the kitchen floor!!!!). 

OK, so I still have the kids outside making snowmen and then ninja chopping them down, repeat. FABULOUS opportunity to clean the first floor bathroom, which gets kind of grody because two boys, bad aim, you can just imagine the carnage in there. 

I'm pretty damn crunchy when it comes to cleaning supplies because ANYTHING with fabricated fragrance (including Mrs. Meyers and Method) triggers wheezing in me, swelling in J's sinus/airway/ears and just pretty much sucks all around. Other than the Seda France Japanese Quince- the signature scent of the Virginia Hotel which is my favorite place in Cape May. That is fine for us, but whoah, it's expensive!!! When I die I better be embalmed with the scented room oil. Legit, slather it all over me.  I love for my house to smell yummy and with Petey that's a necessity- I mean, he smells like dog. I adore the Revive fabric refresher from Melaleuca (and yes I know the EWG doesn't like their products because they don't give up their proprietary "recipe"- but I have researched every single damn ingredient and they're safe as shit. I even spritz the dog with it occasionally) so my house smells like Tahiti (Sea Salt and Vanilla, in case you want to recreate that heavenly scent)!

But I found that bottle of Clorox. The kids were outside, the dog was outside, I opened the window in the bathroom. And I did two sprays on the toilet. Not an excessive amount, by any means. It took about three seconds for me to realize I had made a horrible mistake. Cue burning eyes and wheezing. I hightailed it out of that bathroom so fast I don't think my feet hit the floor. Yeah, that wasn't pretty. 

Put a scarf on, went in, wiped it up, and took all the paper towels with it on it to the OUTSIDE bin. ALL the way down at the curb. I wanted it OUT OUT OUT. 

Clearly, that's the last time I will every make that mistake! I am so glad the boys were outside and I could open doors and windows and air everything out before they came back in. 

Re-approached the bathroom with my Tough and Tender wipes and Sol-U-Guard. Now I have a super clean bathroom and I can still breath. 

And do some research into airway responses to manufactured products/cleaning products. J's doctor at Mass Eye and Ear Infirmary has given me a lot of information regarding the swelling and inflammation that can occur from exposure to them. For J, that means his ability to hear is rapidly impacted due to the narrowing of all of his airways (which prohibits normal fluid drainage- um ears!).

Be smart cleaners. Don't pull a Mama Bee!!!! Or don't clean at all and enjoy the snow day!

Ignorance is not bliss...it's just ignorance.

I am an incredibly lucky human being. I live in a beautiful home, in a fantastic town, with a great job, excellent health insurance (don't get me started on dental though!). I have a safe car, I get to travel with my family. Our needs are met, and then some.

I am INCREDIBLY lucky. I know that. As a single mom, I know that I am doubly, triply, blessed. My ex and I actually manage to get along, and put the kids first.

This photo journal article was posted today by a UK publication. Homeless in Cape May is a chronicle of the homeless living in Cape May (County, is what I am assuming). It has rifled quite a few feathers as painting Cape May in a bad light. It's not just Cape May- it's all major cities in the US. It's small towns, smaller cities. While this article highlights one place- the same headline could be about Boston, Los Angeles, Miami, Philadephia. There is a disparity of wealth.

Here's my question- if you're upset about it, what are you personally doing to help? No individual can solve homelessness, housing insecurity, food instability- by themselves. Well, if you're a billionaire maybe you can do more. I don't frankly know any billionaires, so I'm assuming my readers are average humans. I could make a comment about our current government, but others have done a much better job than I.

Bottom line, there is a way for every single human to do something for the betterment of humanity. Whether it's tucking away a $5 gift card or two to the local coffee shop (I live in MA- so that's Dunkin' obviously), or grabbing a few extra pairs of gloves to keep in the car if you find yourself at an intersection with a panhandler. I don't know the story of every person living on the street- and I don't need to. Basic human decency goes a long way. I know that upon learning about the lack of access to feminine hygiene supplies provided to food pantries and shelters, that's my family's focus.

More needs to be done. I get so upset and overwhelmed- and then I check myself. Small things mean a lot.

If everyone who read this did ONE thing for the indigent community where they live- that would add up.

Challenge accepted?

Slacker Blogger Here...

Apparently I like February, since my last post was February 2018!!! Whoops. Well, what do you expect my loyal readers?? I clearly can't come up with pithy retorts frequently. So hmm, aside from the fact that it's cold- some basic updates.

-The boys both had surgery in October- thank goodness for Lali and Grampy because it was a day of revolving scrubs- from pre-op to OR to recovery for kid one, REPEAT. I will ALWAYS proclaim my love for Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary because they are amazing. Dr. Leila Mankarious is a goddess amongst surgeons, and their child life staff is top notch.

-M is in grade 3, J in grade 1. Both are having excellent years and lordy loo has M turned into a reader! Yesterday he woke me up at 5:45 am declaring a state of emergency- AS I HAD NOT PREORDERED THE NEW BOOK COMING MONDAY. Um, not a state of emergency, but these days, our entire country seems a little awkward in defining an emergency. (and I had preordered the book- M only reminded me every other minute for weeks)

-Did you know that numerous ear infections in the first two years of life can impact adult teeth? Yeah, well now you do. It wasn't enough that J had numerous surgeries, was deaf for a while, learned to read lips, mastered some sign. All of the fluid pressure crap totally FUCKED his adult teeth, waaaaay before eruption. So he'll be having some serious dental work in May. Who knew seven year olds could get crowns? And for real, WTH with insurance not covering anesthesia- the system is rigged I tell you! And having all of that done with a dental averse kid is NOT happening.

-Work is still amazing. Exhausting, but fantastic.

-I have muscles in my body that I've recently started using, so I am petitioning BioFreeze to invent a full body dip product.

-We just were blessed with a full blown Team Baer Disney trip over Christmas- including Auntie Sara!!! It was amazing to be with Lali, Grampy, Auntie- enjoying all that Disney has to offer. M is big enough for scary rides, so it was a blast. Auntie has a fancy watch so we know we walked a total of 42 miles. And, the discovery of a lovely restaurant that shall remain un-named because we don't want it to get crowded. Animal Kingdom remains a favorite, and the bonus three FastPasses our last day were AWESOME! Test Track baby!!! It was the first time I had been there for New Year's Eve- and holy wow. Lali and Grampy were with M and J, and Epcot legitimately turned into a nightclub. DJ's, epic bass, special effects, party hats- an experience I will never forget (and won't repeat- there were over 100,000 people there).

-Petey joined our family March 17, 2018, and has proven to be the best dog ever. He is also a champion counter surfer which we learned on day one- RIP corned beef. He loves sleeping, eating, and the sun. Oh, and bow ties.

-We are now permanent Cape May in the summer people with the addition of the Beehive and the annex, Petey's Ping Pong Palace. All of Team Baer is thrilled and every morning J asks if we're going yet.

-Oh, and I turned 40! Digging it so far.

-Fern was unrepairable after her last kerfuffle- so we welcomed Zeus, my first male car- he's a zippy Honda Odyssey (I FINALLY HAVE A MINIVAN) and we are all in LOVE!

Other than that, just still being a family of goofballs- today we made lasagna as a family and it was lovely. There was minimal fighting, M made the sauce (scratch!) which turned out fantastic. J managed the cheese, and I browned the (99% fat free organic ground turkey-yeah, some things have changed here...). They took turns building layers and are so excited to have it for dinner.

And my favorite recipe of the year, just in case you're interested.... Hot Corn Dip. We had it our neighbor's and wow. It's incredible. My kids adore it (and don't realize they are eating at least some vegetables, and you can use FF cream cheese, sour cream, and reduced fat pepperjack- because you CAN'T use healthy mayo. I tried. It failed). Go make it now.

Lesson planning...well, sort of.

How ridiculous is it that I am planning my course of action in case of an active shooter in my school? It's 2018. It's crazy. And yet, I am. I should be napping (haha not really) or planning super cool stuff to enrich my curriculum after break. And yet, I'm analyzing my proximity to both exits from the school, and access to the roof.

Because no kid of mine will die on my watch. And yes, I said kid- my students are MY KIDS from 8:15 am to 2:10 pm. I get called mom at least three times a day. While I teach grades 5-8, due to the myriad of disabilities they manage, present as more immature than typical grade age peers. They are smart as all get out, but we hug a lot, reassure a lot, and sometimes, just have to help navigate making Easy Mac. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

And yet, in this day and age where kids are legitimately NOT IMPORTANT to elected officials swimming in money from the NRA, I'm planning where we would go if we needed to shelter in place- what we would use if we needed to counteract- and most importantly, what exit I can get them to, to evacuate. I'm glad my state uses ALICE- because I'm not into being a sitting duck.

As a single mom, I have contingency plans for EVERYTHING. If my car breaks down with the kids, if I collapse at work and am unconscious (trust me that is a very long and involved contingency plan- which my boss and secretary have), if a kid starts puking right before I have a big meeting. I cover my bases, because I'm mom. That's my job.

And that translates to my kids at school. I have contingency plans that I will NEVER, EVER, EVER have to use. (RIGHT??? REPEAT AFTER ME- NEVER!) Yet, not outside the realm of possibility. I know that my son's teachers' have the same plans in their head because, yes, we have to think about this.

Isn't that fucking sad? March 14th. March 24th. MARCH. SPEAK. BE HEARD.

Follow the lead of the children- they're not afraid to speak up. Why are you?

I am a TEACHER.

I'm fired up, friends, so be forewarned. I'm also a mom to a kindergartner and second grader. I also happen to teach at a therapeutic school where we provide an academically rigorous, therapeutically sound curriculum. My students have DBT groups, Social Thinking curriculum, art and music therapy. They have groups that focus on depression, anxiety, anger management, coping strategies. We use Zones of Regulation, and sensory activities. I work with kids that have encountered struggles in their public schools. Bottom line, I SHOULD have been Nikolas Cruz's teacher. And Adam Lanza's. Digest that for a minute. Both youths had serious warning signs through out their years in school. One was expelled- had he been in Massachusetts, Chapter 222 would have required his school to either tutor or find placement- in a school like mine.

I am ridiculously proud to work where I work- we have an incredible team that 100% puts our students first. Good days AND bad days. And there are bad days.

There are days where I have to slap a poster up over the window so my kiddos in class aren't aware of what is going on in the hallway.

There are days where I welcome random students into my classroom because they needed to leave theirs so a peer could get the support they needed in a difficult moment.

There is a reason I have a microwave in the classroom- so if the cafeteria isn't available my kiddos can still warm their lunch and enjoy a few moments of down time.

There is a reason why I spend my own money to make sure there are plenty of extra healthy snacks if kiddos are hungry- meeting basic needs is comforting for all. And I usually forget my lunch!

There is a reason I have weighted blankets, aromatherapy oils, ice cubes, and fidget toys.

There are times where I shove my kids into a corner, hurdling desks to get them there (and ripping my pants in the process- I mean c'mon, I am not athletically inclined), and hoist heavy cabinets in front of my door. Thankfully, in my almost twenty years of teaching, this has ALWAYS been a successful intervention.

There are reasons why we are all trained in ALICE, and do drills. I know how to keep my kids safe. I rehearse it in my head regularly, as I know my own sons' teachers do.

And arming me isn't a way I can do that. Metal detectors, armed guards- those are all serious triggers.  For a population of students that already have a tremendous amount of anxiety and fear in their own lives- reporting to school and encountering that? Forget it. Think about it- what frame of mind does that put you in when you enter a courthouse? Report for jury duty? You are on edge. How can you be prepared to learn? Grow?

My job is to teach. To foster a warm and loving environment that is safe, not just physically, but emotionally. I want my students to throw out "What If's?", and become independent thinkers. I want them to challenge me, to challenge themselves. To push beyond what they though possible. And I do that, every single day, every school year. The kids know they are my "Baer cubs". They know they can ask me hard questions, get a big hug, and cry sometimes, and that's ok. I'm not judging them, I'm not evaluating their weaknesses- I'm focusing on their strengths, of which they have many.

And these days? I am reassuring their safety. I teach middle school- grades five through eight- and this week was long. The week before break, the week with Valentine's day- and a terrible week for Parkland, FL. They knew what had happened- there were more hugs Thursday than I think we had the whole first half of the year. And they also didn't talk about it- at least in class. They just hugged their peers, and me, and were ready to learn.

Except for one kiddo. A kiddo with a myriad of diagnoses, who would likely be overlooked in a public school setting. They said, as they left on Friday, "It's too bad money is more important that kid's lives". It took my breath away. They were so right. This was completely out of the blue- I ban talk of politics in class because it just turns into a hot mess- my kids are little, and regurgitate what they hear at home, and then it turns into a free for all.

And they are right. Money is more important than kids' lives. In regards to policy and change, and education. What would have happened if a shooter's school had laid out the money to get them the skills they needed? Could their path be altered?

I also had a student that said "I feel bad for that boy (Parkland shooter), why didn't anyone help him so he didn't have to get so angry and hurt people?" If a twelve year old can recognize that, why wasn't more done?  I am furious that no steps were taken to prevent this horrific act. There are therapists, groups, schools- that could have changed his trajectory.

And it's not just about money- does someone's love of their guns usurp children arriving home from school each day alive? NO. It's a freaking gun people. LET GO!!! I will never side on the "ohhh I love me some guns" argument.

So I am a teacher. I am a mother. I am a mom DEMANDING action. I am already ashamed to be a citizen of the US under 45. I will NOT be ashamed of my lack of action. I will picket. I will go stand outside my town's chapter of the NRA and demand to be heard. I will write postcards. I will walk out on March 14th. I will donate to organizations of like mind.

This is bigger than the parties controlling the United States. This is about our children, and their right to an education. This is about breaking the horrific cycle of the NRA buying politicians.

I am a teacher. Let me teach.

It's All Fun and Games Until a Trainer Comes Along...

I like free things. A LOT. So when my most recent big "purchase" (a swim & fitness membership) comes with two free training sessions, who am I to say no? I sign up with a lovely young man who showed me how to turn on the treadmill on day one. This should be fun, right?

HA. HAHAHAHAHAH. I am currently considering sleeping in my recliner so I don't have to walk upstairs. We start out fine, he wants me a little faster on the treadmill than I am used to- I feel like I almost have to trot to keep up, but that 15 minute warmup was totally doable, especially after I made it clear that I DO NOT RUN. Unless chased by a bear- but then, really, I'd be backing away slowly. He gets my humor, this should be ok. Next up some sitting down, and standing up again. I can do that for one minute, especially as it was never specified how long I could sit during the minute. (I'm kidding, of course, but I did point out that the lack of concrete directions would provide me with loopholes that I would gloriously love to extort). Then some arm weight stuff- my right arm can do fifty pounds and my left was quivering at 15. Whoops. Clearly, I'm right handed.

Then he wanted me to throw a weighted ball at the ground. Repeatedly. Um, ok. Then I had to chuck it at him, repeatedly. He was all "Pretend you're really mad at me and hurl it at me!" Me: "I'm a pacifist, this just seems wrong!". I did it anyway. Then the devil machine- the elliptical- "Just do it until you burn 50 calories!" Me: "Or until I fall on my ass because it makes me dizzy and hurts my knees." He laughed. I promptly fell off, twice. Point made, elliptical is done for the day, but he really thinks it would be good cardio for me...

On to some easy to use weight machines- I have already explored those and had a pretty good clue how to use them- my goal is building upper body strength, because I kind of want to learn how to play tennis, and arms are pretty important for that. All was good until the chest press- oh good god that fucker would not move. I never realized how weak my boobs were. Trainer man is all "just push through it, grunt away" while I responded with "I DON'T GRUNT!" I got it up and did the reps. Last machine was this calf press thing. He set the weight at 30. I laughed at him. I have calves of steel. It's really my only muscle that is on point- all those calf raises to soothe plantar fasciitis have done their job! He set it at 50 and dared me to do 20 reps. Snore. Cake walk. Eventually we're at 130 and it's still easy. By the time we settle on a good weight, 170, I've already done numerous reps at lower weights and still manage to bang out 30 good reps. I wish I had a camera for his face- it was priceless.

I'm still cool and collected (yet sweating like a piggie wearing wool in 90 degree heat) so he wants to mix it up- and suggests the rowing machine.

Oh honey, I love that. And I'm good at it. This kid is good- he's gotten to know me, appreciates my sarcastic humor and dry wit, and is even making notes on how to make good spanakopita (I guess his girlfriend is Greek)? He's figured out that I am "not competitive" and yet probably the most stubborn, competitive woman of all time. Which is probably the truth if I am forced to admit it.

So he challenges me. If I get to 1500 meters before he does, he won't make me do the elliptical next session (I get one more freebie) so game on. I will do pretty much anything to avoid that stupid ass machine. Took me six minutes. He was only at 1100. Ha. No more elliptical for me!

And I can barely move he kicked my ass so badly- can't wait until our next session.

UPDATE: Still hurting- still managed to do some slow laps today and am now slathered with Tiger Balm.