In all things, give thanks...

It's Thanksgiving Eve- I would love to be all snuggled down with my boys, but they are with their dad. It sucks.  When choosing to get divorced I knew that this would happen, and that it would be sucky. Still better than the option!

So, breathing through the sucky, and enjoying the decorating of the adult tree, as we did the kid tree all together earlier this afternoon. My kids have finally gotten the concept and loved finding all of their yearly ornaments. It was awesome! So now I am cooking and baking, and doing all of the traditional Thanksgiving Eve things. The flip side of this is that the turkey I just basted isn't for me. The cookies in my car? Not for me either. Don't get me wrong, I have some yummy stuff that I will partake in as well, but they're the "side dish" to my day of giving thanks.

I am grateful that I can afford to buy a few packs of white socks for those who live on the streets.
I am grateful that I can afford to make a meal for those who cannot.
I am grateful that I live in a country whose icon of liberty is engraved with these lines:

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

I am grateful that I have the freedom to defend these lines against those who disagree (Ummmm, hello Governor?)

I am grateful that my life is full of people who feel the same.

I am grateful that my town has a whole parish of people who live their lives with similar ideals (I mean, really- check out the explanation of our "icon" of the flaming chalice).
I am grateful that I will be able to welcome my boys home Friday into a home that is warm, with a fully stocked fridge and pantry. 
I am grateful that we will make memories. 

Really, though, I am grateful to BE. I will always be indebted to my parents for being a living model of how to live life gracefully and with gratitude. When I was talking to my mom tonight and wailing about my boys' "gimme gimme" attitude she reminded me that I was the same way at their age- and that I grew to recognize the good that we all have in us- race, gender, class be damned. We are all humans, we all need help at some time or another- and that ties us all together. This holiday isn't about heading into a store to get awesome prices on something that we really don't need- it's about recognizing the good is us all, and doing what we can each do to better the world. That might just be by thanking whomever makes our coffee on the way to a big family dinner, or it could be passing out some warm socks to the panhandlers that approach our car as we dash to the store that is open to get extra cranberry sauce. 

I'm not saying that every person, everywhere, should eschew the creature comforts and family traditions- I'm just saying that we should be grateful that we have those comforts and traditions!

Remember that we all have a gift to give, and never doubt that one person can change the world, even if it's just the world of one person. Do good. Be kind. In the words of a pretty awesome Reverend, blessed be.

Looking back...

Today is November 9th. Four years ago, it was the last night, in my life, that I would be pregnant. At the time, I was mightily irritated because I was doing that 24 hour pee in a bucket test, to ensure that I wasn't developing pre-eclampsia- which, after delivery, when the tests were run, I wasn't. It was the last night we were three- daddy, mommy, and Mr. M. 

Here we are, four years later, and we're still three- Mommy, Mr. M, and J-Birdie. 

That fact should make me sad, but it makes me ridiculously happy. My boys are the center of my life- my heart waltzing around outside of my body. J has been many things- Shrimp, J-Dog, and J-Birdie... but he will always be my baby. J will grow, and change, and one day be a man- my man-baby. Heaven help any partner that he chooses...I may not be so kind!

The baby that made me strong, and willing to change my life. The baby that made me even stronger through his numerous health issues- I know more about kidneys, ear tags, hip dysplasia, air ways, and the deaf community than I ever though possible. When I learned he had 99% hearing loss, I was ready to communicate forever through sign. I was ready to do anything to ensure his health and happiness...thankfully, through a lot of changes in the home, and several surgeries, he's a fully hearing kiddo (97% according to his last screens- I'll take it). 

Tonight, I am grateful. I have been blessed with a child that is my mini-me- which at times, to be honest, really sucks. Stubborn as all get out, but then again, it's karma. A sweet, kind, boy- when given his birthday presents tonight responded with "Thank you mama, for making my birthday special". 

As my heart continues to live outside of my body in M and J, I am just so fulfilled. I love you, my babies, and I always will. 

Views on drama, cars and kindergarten...

You know when you have a lot going on in your life, and you just need all the other details to fall into place? Yes? So you know my last two weeks. There were so many major transitions (M to K, J to a new school, Nanny 911 the splendiferous Catherine leaving for college, Mommy back to work, and new to being a middle school teacher ALL. DAY. LONG). Everything has it's own weight in emotions, logistics, and whatnot.

First, the positive. Miles flipping LOVES kindergarten. Frankly. I love his teacher, and his school, and his nurse, and his principal, and the lunch room, and I want to go to kindergarten again. He loves going to Miss Allison's in the morning, but is less than impressed that mama gets out of work early enough to get him from the bus- he would MUCH rather hang at Miss Allison's with his buddies. J is tolerating his new school- he loves a lot of it, but is rather cranky about this nap time thing- my kids don't sleep- they just don't- so nap is kind of ugly. J wants to chat with his teachers and is less than impressed about the "Shhh!" that comes when he's trying to have full blown conversations with the few awake members of his class. Well, suck it up, buttercup. Nap time happens. I manage to make it to work on time so far, and work's going as smoothly as I could hope.

Then there's the shit show portion of life. Nothing insane, but the minor annoyances that you really wish you didn't have to deal with- like your car dying in the the 90 degree heat. And the battery being housed in the freaking wheel well, which necessitates a tow and a wait. ON YOUR KID'S FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL (J) when all you want to do is see how it went and how much he hates you for sending him. So you send someone to pick him up, and you move on. You get a new battery and exhale, thinking alright! Glad this happened now and not the first week of school!

And then, it happens again. The first week of school. The first day of soccer practice. When it's 90+ and you sweat merely exhaling. Got M off the bus, navigate the "I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MISS ALLISON'S!". Climb in to go pick up child number two- and have dreams of stopping and getting a nice bottle of wine. Crank the keys. NOTHING. Silently lose your mind, and climb back out of the sweat chamber. Call AAA. Let M go play with his buddies. Try to find a garage to deal with this issue- realize no garage can do anything until after Labor Day weekend. Then, a eureka moment. I paid a lot to have fancy pants extended warranties on this SUV. Call dealership. And like the parting of the heavens, life is easier. "Bring it in!" they said. "We'll have the rental here" they said, "at no cost to you!"

You send an amazing friend to get kid number two, to drop at an equally amazing neighbor's- you get to dealership, you get a rental. You uninstall two car seats and are appalled at the filth below- like really, really embarrassed. As in I am hoping detailing comes with service at the dealership. Detailing with bleach and commercial grade vacuums. Hop in your little tin can, albeit a red tin can that's brand new, and start to relax- for about thirty seconds, until the child in the back seat realizes that the doors aren't on "child lock" and opens his door WIDE open (thankfully in the parking lot at about one mile per hour). Commence heart palpitations. Remedy situation by activating child lock. FINALLY drive home. You feel like ok, I got this. The fancy mama car will get fixed, we have a safe vehicle to get to school tomorrow. I have dealt with extremely kind people, and have the support of astronomically amazing parents and friends. There are way bigger problems in the world!!! Pull into the driveway and you hear this little voice from the backseat... "but what about soccer?"

Well damn. Tomorrow is a new day...

Transitions, also known as no more packing lunches!

It's been a bucket of transitions in my household over the past week. Y'all know how much I like change, so I have been PERFECTLY DELIGHTFUL. So, really, if I have had any contact with you in the real world over the past week, I am so, so, sorry. I'm not really that much of a jerk! J started at a new school, much to the chagrin of his mama- CK is an amazing school, with such loving teachers, and provided an amazing education to my nuggets. However, it's completely out of my way in the morning- and for me, needing to be at work by 7:15, that means a lot. So he started at a new center about a mile from our house. His transition has been going well, and his mama LOVES that they provide hot, scratch made breakfasts and lunches! WAHOOO! One less lunchbox to pack!

Our beloved nanny, Miss Catherine, went back to school, and all of a sudden tubs are totally on mama- this doesn't mean much to most parents, but my kids HATE THE TUB. It's a screaming trip on the misery train, complete with breakdowns, tears, and sometimes some unkind words (on the mama end)! Aside from the logistics, we miss her desperately, and our days feel kind of weird.

And then there's Mr. M. He's almost 6. He missed the cutoff. Which of course means kindergarten is calling his name. GULP. My nugget CAN'T be that old! He has been excited but I have been a mess- I am a teacher, and my reporting time is WAY earlier than his get on the bus time. BAH! How will this WORK? Nevermind the days that I work and he has no school! Enough to make a mama blanche. Thank goodness for Miss Allison- she's putting M on the bus every day, and is pretty much serving as my "oh sh&t" go to! I think he likes her almost as much as his mama, and I'm REALLY thankful for that! It doesn't hurt that I worked with her mama over ten years ago, and they're just good people- the real deal. So a big exhale.

Mr. M's school had a lot of events in the spring (most of which Miss Catherine took him to), and we were lucky enough to have his class assignment in May. All summer, he's been thinking about Mrs. Rubin. Would she like waffles? Does she sing funny songs? Will she play games? Has she ever been to the beach? Since I knew nothing, I just played the "I don't know card". Well, today was the "you're a kindergartner for one hour" orientation, and I have to say, I may love her as much as Mr. M!  She's peppy, and fun, and seems to be a perfect fit for my guy. I was a bit teary (read: about to bawl like a baby, but the fabulous nurse gave me a big hug and reassured me. I LOVE HER). The kiddos got to ride the bus with the principal, and meet their new friends (be assured, M had his listening ears on- I checked!) Parents got to sit in a rather stuffy room (it was humid as heck today- not the fault of anyone) and pretend to not be nervous. I got to meet some awesome parents, and get all crazy over creating a contact list- right up my alley. We also met the PTO coordinators, and got some Zeh school swag- T-shirts, stickers, and a really cool book called "Hello, Stripes!" which is about a day at Zeh where Stripes, the zebra mascot, got to join in the fun.

Let me tell you, when it's bedtime the night before day one, that book was a lifesaver. Miles loved the story of Stripes' day at Zeh, and as his mama, I loved the messages that were infused. It appears that it was written by the Zeh PTO, and illustrated by Brad Vinson and Danny Moore. Not trying to plagiarize, but excited to share some of their words.

A zebra without stripes
Looks something like a horse.
Zebras really need their stripes,
To set them on their course.

The stripes are not a label,
Just a piece of who we are
The stripes we earn in life
Will help us to get far.

To get these special stripes,
We have to do our best.
And when it comes to learning,
We should put ourselves to the test.

We have to use our talents,
And improve those that aren't so good
But when it comes to getting stripes,
We have to think we could.

Our stripes could be a work of art,
Or helping hands we earn
So let's all get together
At Zeh we will learn!

WOW. Nothing about winning, or common core, or standardized testing. Doing our best, using our talents, having helping hand. YES, please. THESE MATTER! This was so reassuring in and of itself. Then a few pages in, this winner "Each child is as unique as the stripes on a zebra."

HECK YES. I am so thrilled that Mr. M will be a Zebra, and his brother can follow. Proud of my nugget, and even MORE proud to be in a school system that just gets kids!

Icing on the cake? M and I have reviewed the lunch menu, and HE WILL EAT IT ALL. Goodbye packing lunch stress! You got that right, this MAMA HAS BEEN SET FREE!!!!!

On a serious note, to all of those kiddos and mamas taking a new step- enjoy every moment, and relish in the excitement! And cry when you need to...

Farm, to Table, to Belly...

Tonight I got to do what I have dreamed of for almost ten years- attend a farm(er) to table dinner, ON A FARM. I was able to get tickets to the Lettuce Be Local Farmer's Dinner, held at the beautiful Mesa Farm in Rutland, MA. The goal of the dinner is to draw attention to the fabulous farmers that provide incredible products to local chefs, restaurants, and caterers. It was also an opportunity for the chef's that regularly source their products locally to really show them off, complete with beer and wine pairings. I have been giddy for almost a week- and when we pulled up I was almost twitching. 

I mean, c'mon, it's GORGEOUS. Mainly, I was relieved that I was able to get dressed and together in time- when my friends who I attended with arrived at my house, I was still in my towel trying to figure out what I was going to wear!! 

We entered the equestrian barn which had been all done up for the event- hay bales, lanterns, greenery. Long tables filled the center of the barn, with stations for beer and wine, charcuterie, crudite, fresh squeezed juice by Nu Cafe, black tea with blueberries and coffee by Reverly, and photo station with Meatloaf the very fake bull surrounding. Immediately we were offered fantastic hors d'oeuvres- the highlight was the liver meatballs with bacon and onion jam, served by my favorite waiter from Volturno! We kept going back for those and the pickled rhubarb and pickled snap peas. DELICIOUS. 

Once we were seated, we got to partake in a true culinary adventure. The chefs were Nick Geraci and Tim Russo from Volturno, Rob Fecteau from Birchtree Bread, Damian Evangelous from Armsby Abbey, Brian Treitman from BT's Smokehouse, and Alina Eisenhauer (yes, THAT Alina Eisenhauer, from Food Network's Chopped, Cupcake Wars, and the winner of Sweet Genius. Oh, yeah, and she just cooked at the James Beard house. No biggie, right???? Can you tell she's my chef-hero???)  from Sweet. There are really no words to describe the meal- it was just delightful from start to finish. Highlights were eating fresh greens, including clover, flowers, and herbs paired with heirloom tomatoes. Oh, and sitting across from the farmers, Catherine Bauman and David Beyer (B & B Farms) that grew and picked said delicious greens.  Ahh, and the grass-fed confit brassicas (I totally had to google brassicas- it means cruciferous vegetables, like cauliflower, brussel sprouts, broccoli, kale, and cabbage- basically every vegetable I love) with grilled onions and crunchy yum yum something or others...yeah, I'll just post pictures of the menu and wine/beer pairing list. The wine was from a variety of places, and the beer too- however, three were from Medusa Brewing, in little old Hudson, MA. I actually really liked the beers I tried, which for me, is kind of epic! Go check them out- I have it on authority that their pretzels are wonderful.

It was all just amazing. Who knew that you could make sweet pea and lemon thyme panna cotta??? And top it with fresh blueberries from B & B Farms in New Braintree? Um, Alina did. I have to say that being able to experience the dishes with the farmers that grew the raw ingredients was unreal. I so much enjoyed learning more about the process, and I left with a new appreciation for where my food comes from- starting with the people!

I guess the whole point of me going on and on is to say that FOOD IS AWESOME. Get it locally, grow it, cook it, enjoy it. Play with your food! Be brave, and eat the flowers! Go check out the restaurants and chefs that participated, you won't be dissappointed.

Oh, and obviously, get tickets for next year's Farmer's Dinner! It is such an amazing experience! 

Some Super Serious Thoughts on Summer...

And by super serious, I totally mean random things I think about while I retreat to my "other brain space" when my kids are in meltdown mode. Either way, they entertain me, and it's been a while since I have shared with the free world, which doesn't really give a hoot, what's going on in my head.

Summer is freaking amazing. I LOVE IT. I am a complete heliophile and while I have no "guns" to speak of, if the sun's out, my flabby batwing upper arms are out! Even with a crazy thick SPF 30 mineral based sunscreen, I am TAN. So are my kids. Well, aside from just above their thighs through their torso, to just above the elbow (I LOVE SPF RASHGUARDS- even though ours now look a bit like tye dye from popsicles, ketchup, paint, sunblock and the like). Again, honestly earned color. When I put sunblock on us we all look purple I apply it so thickly- some days, when J has his goggles on, he looks like that evil purple minion. It makes me giggle.

Second thing I love? VACATION. And by vacation I mean a trip WITH. MY. FREAKING. AMAZING. NANNY. She's epically awesome and has both the boys on behavior systems and oodles of positive reinforcement schedules. When she's with us, I am actually on vacation too, for some of the time. If I want to have dinner with just my mom, I can. If my bestie joins us, we can go out at night and go to fancy bars in Cape May- drink Pimm's cocktails seaside, and blood orange martinis at hip bars. Yup. It's that awesome. I got to have dinner with both my mom and my dad sans kids, separately. It was wonderful. As I get older, and more busy, those opportunities grow more and more special.

Another awesome aspect of summer? Getting to be totally goofy and spontaneous. Sometimes it works out great- going to a town concert, picnic in tow, with dear friends- craziness ensued with hand stands, a few tackles, and running barefoot in the grass. A wonderful night all around. Other nights, like tonight, total fail. Decided to be all cray-cray and take my kids to a 6:45 pm showing of the hot kid's movie- the movie theater is a mile away, I was like wahoo we are ON THIS! Until I went upstairs to get dressed (not lazy in jammies- still in the swimsuit from the day's festivities) and came down four minutes later to find Mr. M out cold on the couch and J-bird not far behind. So much for that adventure!!!

In all seriousness though, when I try to put the first half of the summer into words, it's hard- because it's been that wonderful. I am enjoying all of it. From Mr. M swimming on his own for the first time, to J dancing in the grass, to picking crabs, to seeing a dolphin crest, to lazy moments at a winery, to porch time at the Virginia with my mama- it's all been amazing. I can't wait for what the rest of the summer brings, and a little piece of me is mourning the impending fall. I can't even go there yet. One thing I am surprised that I enjoy? A separation from social media- my every move isn't posted; although I still share pics of our adventures, because it is a great way to connect with family near and far- but I don't care how many likes, or retweets, or what not occur. If someone needs me, they call me. And for once, I actually answer, because I have time to connect. It's splendiferous.

For now, I want splashing, dirt, sand, and sun.

GRADUATION DAY!!!

Perhaps I should have titled this post graduation day PART ONE, as I have two this year. Today was the graduation at my school, and in two short weeks, my nugget graduates from Kindergarten Prep. Since it's still today, I'll keep my thoughts there, as I have already cried ENOUGH.

I work in a therapeutic alternative school, with an eclectic, awesome, talented group of kids. We have rigorous academics as well as a huge focus on therapeutic groups, art, and music. The path these kids walk is one where they learn who they are, and how to love their true selves. I adore my job. I think the kids are awesome, and my team- well, we're a TEAM. Today we unleashed the graduating class of 2015 upon the world. It's a small class- six students- and their statistics rock. Three headed to four year colleges or universities, two already gainfully employed, one furthering their education elsewhere. Those are pretty amazing statistics. However, they say nothing about these kids- and what we do from 7:45 to 1:50 every day. One of our ninth graders painted a canvas for our front entry- "We're not just a school, we're a family". This sentiment is never more true than when we celebrate.

One of our seniors graduates has been with us for four years- her entire high school career. There is no staff in the building, no student in the halls, that doesn't know her. There will be a palpable void on Monday, as we all resume classes for another TWO AND A HALF WEEKS. These kiddos were an integral part of our world and today. POOF, they are done. While I shed many tears today, I know that they are ready for the next challenge, in no small part due to the hard work of our team. I wish them well, and look forward to hearing about their next steps in the future.

Now, I have to focus on the next class years- the kids that will grace the chairs in my classroom for another year- or with some of them, five or six years (we've got some really great middle schoolers too)! However, the graduates of 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, and 2010 are never far from my mind- it's the lessons I've learned with them that will allow me to continue to support and advocate for my future classes. We don't forget- and our resolve to continue to be agents of change in the lives of kids doesn't wane.

Today though? Today I cry happy tears with students, families, and coworkers- celebrating the progress, drive, and determination of six wonderful kids. I reaffirm my dedication to being a teacher, and guide, on their path.