Sunday, April 19, 2015

Oh Lilly...that I shall never have...

Today was the launch of the Lilly + Target line. I was so excited. EPICALLY EXCITED. I adore Lilly Pulitzer prints, dresses, shoes, purses- I just love the way the colors are used to create a fun, intricate pattern. Until now, I have had to relegate my Lilly love to purses, calendars, and frankly, home screen backgrounds. Lilly is beautiful. Lilly is SKINNY.

(Let me preface all of this rant  by acknowledging that I recognize this entire post is ridiculous, and it's not a big deal- however, today, I am the epitome of "first world problems". I get that. That said, I can still be ticked.)

I am not skinny. I am supple, round, curvaceous- squishing according to my kids. Really, I'm effing fat. Enough said. No Lilly shift would ever fit me, unless I ripped out all the seams and added a lot of elastic. A LOT.

So this Lilly + Target thing was my chance to actually own clothing that both fit me and delight my soul. I was one of those weirdos that woke up at 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, waiting for that "early morning launch". Launch it did- and website? It did crash. I had a cart of fabulous shifts, some towels, and mugs. I have been SAVING MONEY for this day. I suck at saving for anything, so that alone was pretty epic. I also RARELY buy anything for myself. Well, Site crashed. And more crashed. And nothing. By the time it was back online it was 5 am and NOT ONE ITEM was available. I tried multiple sizes, patterns, items- nothing. The only thing left for a girl to do was to pack her squawking children into the car and go the store. I live within 10 miles of THREE TARGETS. Number one- nothing. I got there at 8:15 am. FIFTEEN minutes after opening. There were no displays left, no clothes left, NOTHING. Only a few sobbing sales associates, and some women in the checkout with five carts. Second store- saw a friend in the parking lot nursing a few scrapes who told me not to bother. Third Target- saw an actual brawl in the parking lot. Got out of there VERY quickly. I get that my desire for an adorable shift dress and maybe a beach towel or two isn't very important- but if you're only going to release a certain amount, and NOT going to limit purchases, just call it what it is- a flash sale. I would have reacted accordingly, and hired a baby sitter so I could line up. Wait, no, I wouldn't, because the plus sizes AREN'T AVAILABLE IN STORE. At least, that's what the "look book" and pre-sale propaganda informed me. Bottom line? I'm crossing my fingers that Target offers Employee Assistance Programs- that include psychological counseling for PTSD. Pretty sure most associates need that after today! Everyone looked totally shell-shocked.

According to the social media world though, I could be the proud owner of a plus size shift dress in green and white- IF I DRIVE TO KANSAS.

Target, you've pissed me off. Quite a bit. You will be getting NO LOVE from me,  or my debit card.

No comments:

Post a Comment